Last week I stopped mid s*x and walked away. My bf (of 8 years, kids together, live together) was upset by this and has fought me/ignored me for 5 days now.
back story - he had moments being rude to me for 3 days prior to this incident. That day he came home with takeaway excited and as I was in the middle of doing something he got very annoyed and was rude to be out of nowhere. This Ofcourse upset me and he said some other things that upset me too. I didn’t really react just had a cry and got over it.
an hour later it had blown over and he initiated sex. It started fine but got quite awkward, I mentally couldn’t relax and basically dried up (as well as him going half limp tmi sorry!) and it just wasn’t working really so I just got off and walked away. On my way out of the room I told him that if he was nicer to me then maybe these things wouldn’t happen, that he can’t expect me to be turned on when he’s being horrible to me etc. he then told me I ‘humiliated him’ and no girl has ever walked away mid sex on him. Regardless, he was still talking to me and said bye before going off to work.
when he returned from work that night he completely ignored me, didn’t hug me in bed and has continued that for 5 days now. 2 days ago he told me that ‘he’s really hurt by my recent actions, give him space and time and he’ll come to me when he’s happy’.
now I know I’m general it sounds bad, I really didn’t mean to intentionally embarrass him but I’m tired of just acting like I’m enjoying it when sometimes I’m not. There’s no point continuing when it’s just not working so I just stopped (which he has done plenty of times! It feels like it’s fine for the girl to be embarrassed but not the guy?!). It frustrates me that he thinks I can be super turned on after he’s been so rude to me. He knows sex is a very ‘mental’ thing for me to get aroused.
the next day I tried to hug him and make up (which would usually work) but he refused to hug me back. I dressed up in sexy lingerie that night and went to him and he told me not to embarrass myself and turned me away… needless to say I guess I got a taste of my own medicine?
now more to the back story - what bothers me is that our sex life has been pretty good for the past year (our kids are now in school and we have reconnected a lot). BUT in the entire relationship he has to be the one to initiate sex. I have tried multiple times over the years and it never works. He used to get ‘shy’? (He is most Definitley NOT a shy guy) but if I’d try come on to him he’d giggle and wouldn’t be able to get hard. I tried in more exotic ways like dressing in sexy lingerie and I’ve tried the most subtle ways like just giving him a hug or a kiss. It just never really works he only wants to be the one to initiate sex (it’s worked like 2/3 times in the entire 8 years!). He isn’t really in to the whole ‘dress up lingerie’ stuff his idea of sexy is wearing panties with a baggy top which is what I do 99% of the time. He mentions to me about the things he likes and even told me to wear a mini skirt etc and when I did that he left me sat on the couch waiting for 30 minutes and ignored me :/
it doesn’t make sense as he is constantly following these social media ‘models’ and women that just post in their underwear and sexy stuff so he obviously does like that but just not on me??
Ofcourse you can imagine this bothers me because when I want to have sex I just can’t get it when I want. Especially as my hormones are all over the place since having kids I don’t always get turned on. Usually I’d like to have sex every day/ every other day but he only wants it every 3ish days. Then I go through times in my cycle when I’m not in the mood all week. Then last week for example, I was so turned on and I just have to wait for him to initiate sex. Then when he finally did it was after being rude to me when I then got turned off, couldn’t get wet and walked away mid sex. So you can Ingushes how frustrating that is for me.
I just don’t know what to do, I just give up and leave him to take the lead on everything. It frustrates me as id love to have some more excitement, sex in risky places like we did in the early days (not just in our flat). Now I’ve got the silent treatment instead.
he’s also very ‘against’ the whole period sex thing. Which I was completely fine with, he’s my only sexual partner and the idea of period sex never was a thought of something I’d want to do. But after having kids together, being together for so long it also frustrates me that even if I’m just ‘spotting’ a little bit it will completely turn him off? Like this guy watched me have a C-section, he cleaned me up after, he’s NEVER been phased about any of that stuff so why does the smallest bit of blood put him off so much? I’m not saying I would want to do it in the middle of my period, but I’m also on contraception that is making me spot CONSTANTLY at the moment and although it’s not much I’m having to hide it because if he knew he wouldn’t have sex with me because of it.
there was one time recently I must have been spotting (not a period) and I hadn’t even realised as it was so little and he saw a little during sex and completely stopped! I’m pretty sure he might have caused it himself from hitting the cervix (sorry tmi). Yet he has no problem with An*l sex - isn’t that more gross than the idea of a little blood?!
I must add to this (no judgement please as we have moved past this) he cheated on me in the past with another girl and I found out he used to have sex with her on her period most times…? As you can imagine I wonder why he was comfortable to do that with her and not me? Knowing full well I’m the cleanest female, only ever been with him etc and that other girl slept around with other guys. So what’s his deal with me?! If you are going to be having sex with women you should be prepared and understand that spotting can happen, even just by hitting the cervix too hard or doing it too rough. It shouldn’t be gross!
anyway - apologies for the long post there is just so much backstory I needed to add. Am I in the wrong? Have I really embarrassed him that much?