My partner of 10 years recently left myself and my children after siding with his family of origin.
His mother is a narcissist for definite and I've had to endure many years of odd behaviour from her- from borderline harassment when we first started dating and after our first child was born and her snooping into mine and my family's private business, her also meddling in our finances and in our home. To her becoming my biggest critic, constant underhanded sarcastic comments, long monologues where she would boast about herself, then complete denial and refusal to take any responsibility after calling her out on her critical behaviour, to no contact, to then civil contact, to then being ignored and being treated like I was invisible for years. She would even bring home made meals for my partner (her son) and nothing for me and the children. I was exhausted by the turmoil of the relationship. Sometimes she would be perfectly pleasant and the next time I saw her, she would be pissed off with me for no apparent reason.
My partner mostly excused her, stuck up for her a couple of times then towards the end, accepted her behaviour was wrong and told me to be more tolerant of it.
His sister then became his mother's flying monkey once she had given up and had taken to blanking me. She was sharing screen shots of my posts from online parenting groups and women's forums with the family behind my back much to my surprise. I also discovered most recently that she was anonymously posting derogatory posts on my blog after weeks of wondering who this poster was.
This all came out and I was furious and my partner (her brother) defended the behaviour. I therefore told him to leave. What I find most odd is that I had been asked to care for his sister's 8 month old the following weekend, when all along she'd been doing all of this behind my back. Why would she want me to look after her kid if she was being so deviously callous?! What a user!
I called out the whole family and shared my disgust on their behaviour. Even his Dad's enabling of his mum and sister. Unsurprisingly, they never responded. My ex was mortified at me for speaking out rather than being mortified at their behaviour. This was a few months ago now and he has since been living with his parents. He took his mum out for mother's day yesterday, he spends weekends with his sister when he has our children who also now spend a third of their time at his parents house,he does his parents food shopping and is seemingly content living back home.
I feel traumatised.
And betrayed. Shocked, disgusted, angry. I can't quite get my head around what has happened. His family has always been an issue but I never really thought that he would choose them.
Our daughter is also now coming home telling me stories about how Grandma is behaving oddly towards her. A couple of weeks ago his mum accused my daughter of not loving her enough! My ex accepted that the comment was uncalled for, but again, did nothing to challenge his mother's behaviour. My daughter told me she isn't sure if she enjoys going there anymore. The whole family- his sister and particularly her baby are all at the house a lot of the time when my kids are there. Surely this isn't normal?
What is wrong with him?
Will he never realise how toxic his family are? How much will it take?
But most importantly, how do I get over this? It feels like a huge betrayal and I can't believe it has actually come to this.