Should I be upset my bf isn’t getting me a bday gift?

[QueenOfFireFighting]

I have been with my bf for almost 3 years. My birthday is coming up, he’s lovely
and treats me well and very in love but he’s not a birthday guy. I’ve brushed this off last year but was upset. This year he’s asked what I want but felt more of a thoughtless question because he didn’t want to not ask, I’m from a family that never gifted. Bit of back story…My ex of many years, didn’t gift and I used to buy things and wrap them myself for birthdays and Christmas as my children would be upset as to why I wasn’t getting anything. I don’t have parents in my life, so they have never acknowledged my birthday. I’m so happy in my life and the more I think of it I feel very silly! But it makes me really sad. I know it’s more of a psychological reasoning probably on feeling worthy but I can’t shift it and I end up crying which makes me feel a bit pathetic. He has asked me and I have expressed I don’t find it easy, which led me to say it’s fine and not to worry about getting me anything which was kind of accepted by him and then I cried for about an hour. Am I being pathetic??

I don’t think pathetic is the right word but I don’t think it is ok to tell him it’s fine not to get you anything then cry at your decision. You need to articulate this to him.

He’s your boyfriend. A person you may potentially want to spend your whole life with. Sit him down and explain it to him. As you have here - say you feel silly, talk about the root cause of your feelings etc. Don’t play games by telling him something is ok when it isn’t.

Well you are a little yes, he's asked you what you want ( not everyone is good at gift buying) and you have said not to bother-so you cannot get upset when he takes that statement at face value. You need to talk to him and communicate all this. Say you feel silly saying it but that it is important. Otherwise how is he going to know?

Thank you @Notanotherchange @Jamieleecurtain @Thefriendlyone I know this deep down, and needed to hear it. Im just embarrassed to approach it now. I’ll try communicate this.