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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Pregnant and suffering emotional abuse…

17 replies

Lillymae99 · 20/03/2023 09:29

Hi guys. This is my first time posting. I am desperately seeking advice. I am currently 5weeks pregnant. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year (on and off at the start). He is what I would call verbally abusive. He accuses me of cheating, he calls me a dirty whore, he said I am a desperate maid (because I clean for a living), he said my family are a disgrace and that I’m a dirty gypsy (my parents are of Roma gypsy heritage)…. He said that girls from his country dress like women and I dress like a whore. He has sent me pictures of his exes and told me he is going to f**ck them because they are prettier than me. He said I smell and need to shower( he says this to me at least 3 times a week even though I shower twice a day!!) he says I’m fat and look like a dog. But the thing that hurts me the most, is that at least 5 times a day he calls me a whore. I forgave ALL of this because I love him. This is just a few things to name, I could type forever. Since becoming pregnant, I stupidly thought he would change… (unplanned / unexpected pregnancy), however he is only getting worse. I am so scared to have an abortion but I am also so scared to be tied to this man for life. He has put his hands round my neck in the past and grabbed my arms and left bruises, however I hit him back and he says i have no right to be upset because I hit him back. He also forces me to apologise when I haven’t done anything wrong. I am so worried and need some advice, I really wanted this baby but I do not want to raise it alone, I think an abortion is the best option but I would really appreciate any opinions!!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 20/03/2023 09:33

You’re right. A baby will tie you to this utter bastard for years. Do you live together? It’s not emotional abuse, he’s put his hands around your neck which means he’s statistically highly likely to kill you one day. He’d probably physically abuse an innocent baby too.

Go to the police, report his violence, have an abortion, do whatever you can to never ever see him again.

You sound extremely vulnerable. This isn’t what love looks or feels like. Are you in touch with your family or have any friends?

LaviniasBigBloomers · 20/03/2023 09:38

Is anyone supporting you? Have you contacted Women's Aid? They can give you the support you need to make a break from this abusive monster.

I would never tell another woman to have a termination, but you should also be able to access counselling from BPAS to explore this fully - and quickly. Having a baby with this 'man' will tie you to him for life. The abuse of you won't stop, and you will essentially be bringing a child into an unsafe environment. Unless there's a way that you can fully, safely, get away from him, you won't be able to protect yourself or your child. You need to explore your options here.

Kerrylass · 20/03/2023 09:38

Run girl...Run for your life. You know what you have to do. Make the appointment. Get yourself away from him. Noone deserves to be treated like that.

Fullofdoubtsme · 20/03/2023 09:47

I had an abortion in my 20s as it wasnt right time and baby would have suffered. Ended up having 2 kids after with same man and i dont regret having done it all. He was good at time but became abusive after and now I'm having a nightmare to separate even if kids older and well. You have a chance to put things right and start again, find someone who loves you and respects you to have a happier family and a much better situation for your baby. Dont wait any longer. Get away from him, seek psychological support if you struggle with termination but you will get through this and have a better chance at being happy. Good luck x

Cherrysoup · 20/03/2023 09:59

I don’t think being tied to this abusive arsehole is a good idea.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 20/03/2023 10:30

In your shoes I would not hesitate to terminate. Urgently.

PurpleReindeer2 · 20/03/2023 10:40

Terminate then leave this toxic relationship. Contact womens aid for support. Do it now.

Twizbe · 20/03/2023 10:45

Run. He doesn't love you. You cannot change him. Pregnancy makes men like this worse and there's a very real threat that this escalates further.

Call women's aid, and run, run fast.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 20/03/2023 10:49

This isn't love
Please get help and leave him

ARABA8888 · 15/08/2023 04:45

Hey love... just wondering what you decided. Are you safe? What is your age btw?

WandaWonder · 15/08/2023 04:50

You really need to seriously think about an a termination and get some help so you don't continue doing this and picking better partners. you should not have to be told this

WomanHereHear · 15/08/2023 05:00

You sound smart OP, you know exactly what you’re dealing with here. Go with your gut. Speak to women’s aid and bpas for some clarity. Tell someone who can be trusted irl as you need support and shouldn’t be dealing with this on your own.

ARABA8888 · 15/08/2023 05:09

Geeze... should not have to be told this... not every woman has the guidance and knowledge to select decent partners. There is alot involved especially if someone has had a difficult childhood. Perhaps just support or don't say anything at all. People learn at different points in life

Fishhhh · 15/08/2023 05:32

He doesn’t love you, his behaviour clearly demonstrates this. Please do not bring up a child in a physical and mentally abusive environment.

HoppingPavlova · 15/08/2023 05:46

I forgave ALL of this because I love him

This is where you lost me. How could you love that? Get him out of your life asap and lift your standards to people who treat you with basic decency. There is no way he loves you, as it’s impossible to treat someone you love like this.

Sheog · 15/08/2023 05:52

Own fault if you are accepting this behaviour.

Doingmybest12 · 15/08/2023 06:23

This is truly awful and it will be terrible for you and a child to have this person in their lives in any way . I don't see how it is love you are feeling for this man (it is something else) and he certainly doesn't love you. There is a better life waiting for you away from this person.

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