Superior displays Unprofessional conduct yet I’m the bad one?

[Knowitsinappropriate]

Someone I trusted, and explicitly asked to not say anything about something inappropriate I had been sent, went and told the very person who had sent it I had confided in them. To say I’m annoyed is an understatement. It has implications about my studies and professional relationships. The sender is in a position of authority over me. My friend is totally unrelated in a different field of work.

i have done nothing wrong in this situation and while I probably should have reported the inappropriate message (the content is irrelevant but it was not sexual, more unprofessional conduct), I thought it best for everyone to let it go on a formal basis and just vented about it to my so-called friend.

i had no idea my friend and the person who sent the message were friendly let alone close enough to break my confidence.

I’ve learned my lesson but I feel so let down. My friend was one of the few people I felt I could trust to share the message with and she too felt it was inappropriate and unprofessional, so I don’t quite understand why she’d go straight to the person who sent it and tell them I’m gossiping.

Am I supposed to put up with unprofessional messages and my only recourse is the formal complaint procedure that ultimately reflects badly on me as early career, and not just have a whinge to someone I believed was a friend?

Your presumably ex-friend behaved very unprofessionally and is clearly not to be trusted again. I feel for you, OP. I hope this doesn’t cause any trouble for you.

Did the friend say why they did this!? Was it like a having a go at them to defend your honour? Or 'heads up, shes saying this about you'

I meant to return to this but life has been hectic. Basically friend said ‘Know told me you wrote X in email to them, that was a bit and could get you into trouble’. I think from the sound of it they were protecting my supervisor rather than defending or supporting me, the implication being that I’d be responsible for them getting into trouble if I reported the communication, not them being in trouble for sending it in the first place.

I’m just feeling quite betrayed and like I can’t trust anyone and have no one other than my partner to talk to about things like this now. He just nods and agrees with everything I say - it’s not helpful.

Just a woe is me post really

I wouldn't trust the 'friend' ever again - they've shown you they aren't loyal.

In answer to your question, of course you should be able to confide in a friend and it not go anywhere else. You just got unlucky in that the friend let you down.

If your supoerior said something in appropropiate, is there a formal route at work you can report it through? It depends how big a deal it is really. If it's not such a big deal, I understand why you might not want to make it formal. Is the issue here that you can't talk to your OH about things like this, as you should be able to?