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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Splitting for partner.

6 replies

PuddingLeaf · 19/03/2023 20:18

Hello, I don't really know how to say this but I'm so down and depressed and need somebody's opinion. I've been with my partner for 8 years we have kids. I want to end the relationship as I don't love him, he's doesn't do much round the house, all life admin is sorted by me and I look after the kids, he gets angry if I don't want to have sex and we argue about it often, he says if we have sex more the arguments will stop. I don't trust him as he stealthed me a few years ago. I really can't stand him near me, I've since become aware its classed as rape and it plays on my mind daily. Because I've decided enough is enough he has become very difficult to live with, buying takeaways before even checking if the kids have eaten. He's been wiping his semen in my pants and I've found them when doing the washing, he was masturbating outside the bathroom door when I went to take a bath and his excuse when I confronted him was he hasn't seen me naked in ages (the door was slightly ajar as the kids walked in and didn't close the door fully). I really want to part properly so me and the kids have a home but since I've told him I want to split he keeps telling me I have to sell the house so he can get his money. This isn't really helpful and he's again leaving everything to me, we have a joint mortgage and i don't know if I can get a mortgage as I work part time so I'm trying to delay speaking with someone, it's just all too much at the minute and having no one to confide it about it make it all the more difficult so sorry for the long post.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 19/03/2023 20:20

Sorry you are going through this. I would speak to a solicitor. If both your names are on the mortgage then yes one would need to buy the other out, unless you have a court order allowing you to stay in the house. Can you perhaps also speak to womens aid or similar for advice.

Suetcrust · 19/03/2023 20:25

Oh my goodness what a creep.
Just give the mortgage company a ring.
Ask a solicitor for 30 mins free consultation. Most firms do it.
Knowledge is power.
You need rid of this guy. ASAP.

PuddingLeaf · 19/03/2023 20:27

Thank you for the reply. I don't think I'll be able to afford a solicitor but I will look in speaking with citizens advice maybe. I am happy to sell the house and split but he keeps telling me to sell now and it just not viable as it would have a negative effect on my eldest.

OP posts:
Defenders · 19/03/2023 20:39

Hello PuddingLeaf. Are your children under 18? I didn't think he could force a sale until they are.

PuddingLeaf · 19/03/2023 20:55

Yes, they're 3 and 7. Ive told him I'm happy to sell but I need to at least speak with someone before I put the house up as the children would be affected with all the change.

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 19/03/2023 20:58

The children are only going to be getting a better life. Their dad is a rapist and I'm not sure that's all he is. Leave

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