Better off a single parent?

[Rae2691]

Im regularly having the feeling I’d rather be a single parent. I feel me and my husband have gone separate ways emotionally and physically. We’ve been together 9years (5 married) we have two boys 6 & 3. We both work full time jobs.

I’m just finding myself so frustrated/upset /angry that I’m left to deal with everything children & home wise alongside working full time. Due to my new working hours he does the school run (which is difficult I’ve done it the past 6 years & it can sometimes be the worst start to your day), he’s based at home mostly as he has his own company, yet I’m the one who does the housework (he will wash the boys school uniform or his work clothes) but actually cleaning it just doesn’t happen.

I leave for work at 6:45am & get home around 7pm so I’m struggling to find the time to fit it all in. After the boys are in bed & their uniforms/bags are ready for the next day I’m rushing to to either have a shower or a decent cooked meal before I go to bed. I spend my weekends catching up on the house. I take the boys to any parties, play dates, plan days out for them etc but he just doesn’t seem bothered about plans.

Around the house I’ve asked for help NUMEROUS times over the years. I’ve also explained that I feel like I have anxiety (never diagnosed, but just something I’ve felt for a long time due to other things) & a clean tidy home helps me mentally (which didn’t go down well) so I’ve just tried to power through, but it’s so hard to keep on top of everything when there’s only one of me & three others (two being children) in the house, around my working hours.

Because I’ve told him how it makes me feel and there’s been little to no help, I just find it so disrespectful. This just ends in an argument, so I’ve given up bringing it up.

My husband was away for work for 2 months and I was so worried at first but I found such a good solid routine with work, the house and the boys. I managed to get my youngest sleeping in his own bed, which says it all. It flowed so well (don’t get me wrong it was HARD) but I just felt relief, and the house was so easy to keep on top of, I barley felt anxious or stressed, I even managed a day out with the girls!

Don’t get me wrong he does work so hard (some nights he’ll be up til 1am working) and he’s organising a weekend away for my bday next month, but I work hard to, I always have done since having my oldest to keep my independence & show the boys that you need to work in life. Why am I the one who’s expected to balance everything? I feel like I’m so close to burning out. Is it so hard for him to clean the bathrooms, pick up his dirty clothes pile, or offer to make me a brew?

I don’t know if I’m being over dramatic or over thinking it all. Or if it’s supposed to be this difficult, I thought it got easier when the kids were getting older? I also hate I don’t get enough time with my boys due to work.

I just feel I’m starting to dislike him as we’re clearly completely different people.

Sorry for the long long rant x

Given your frustration with the current arrangement, why aren't you arranging to have a cleaning service in twice monthly to do a deep clean? Surely, with the hours that you are both putting in some help with household chores might be affordable. Sit him down and let him assist in budgeting for this. Together you can decide which chores if relieved would free up your weekends.

No one gets Brownie points for doing things that you have the resources to delegate and farm out.

Well this comes off as super judgemental and very much placing the blame on OP... Doesn't sound like it's her with the problem...

Having been in the same situation I can confirm that at least in my own experience, life is better as a single mum. If you're already resenting him and you already want out that tells you what you need to know. I am better off both financially and emotionally and have LOTS more time. I'm definitely the girl on the side of 'LEAVE HIM' So bare that in mind reading my comment but seriously, life is soooo much better for me!

I would considering leaving if I were you. I am further down the road than you and in my case it never got better, only worse, and I wish I had left sooner.

If you decide to leave make sure you do your homework before telling him. Speak to a solicitor, learn about divorce online. One thing to consider is that as he does the school run he may be considered the main carer for the kids. I'm not sure about this but that's what someone told me when I asked for advice about separation (not told my DH yet).

As a working mother, I would highly recommend outsourcing some of the household responsibilities- get a cleaner, use hello fresh, get milk delivered, online food shopping, childminder to do school drop off and pickup. Whatever makes your life easier.

The person resurrecting this thread from MARCH, has given terrible, selfish advice. It's not about her workload. It's about her not liking him and him being surplus to requirements. He's served his purpose in bringing financial stability, a large asset (home) and children. Now she doesn't need him anymore as he married her, now she knows she will get the house and half his business.

If it was about workload, you'd get a cleaner and child minder, but the final paragraph reveals the true problem here. You don't like him. He's not the prize. What he provides is. You've gotten everything you want out of him. Now you want him gone. Thats the risk he took when marrying. Which is too bad for him.