Not sure if it abuse or depression with husband

[Jellyfish1990]

Husband suffers with depression, he's always moany even kids are like "here we go again"

Anyways his anger towards me how he speaks to me is totally unacceptable!! He kicked a door months back out of anger and it hut my head (apparently was an accident), I brushed it off then last night we got into an argument which he started all because I pushed his dog out the way when I was lying down(dog big and hurts me when he tramples over me) so he started to make comments I made them back, he told me to fuck off and I repeated his exact words back to him... He stormed up the room tossed his house coat right in my face and left the house. I didn't care I was glad he was away with that dog... unfortunately he came back 😮‍💨 I can't be annoyed with his mood swings, everyone get the brunt of it especially me... Also it starting to feel like it's a dominant thing going on here like he's the "man of house do as i say&obey" unfortunately for him am to independent and used to a hard life due to my up brining so I stand my ground with him when he's making comments at me.

You know its OK to be single right?
Whats the point of being in a relationship where there's contempt like that? It's not like it's good for the children? They hate it too.

Exercise some willpower and call it a day. Life's too short.

Ps: you talk about being independent and standing your ground - but you're in an abusive relationship. So how independent are you really? People seem to think that just because they stand their ground or argue back, they aren't being abused. Or that they're tough and gave good boundaries. You don't have good boundaries. Because if you did, you would have left him years ago.

Depression doesn't excuse abuse.
Has ge even bothered to seek help? Ask yourself, is HE actually perfectly happy treating his family like shit?

Also, this situation...it's turning you toxic too. Look at those texts. Do they sound like the person you want to be?

It is 100% abuse.

Lots of people are depressed. Most of them manage to refrain from being despicable towards their family.

What difference does it make if it's depression or personality, if he's not getting any better and it's been going on for years? Depression doesn't make you nasty. It's possible to have both a MH condition and be abusive.

Is this kind of turbulent vicious environment the one you want to bring up children in, thinking it's normal?

He's hurt you "by accident" already, which he will do again if he's continuing to throw things at you. And the more normalised low-level violence becomes, the more likely it will escalate.

What's the point of the relationship?

Yeah, abuse. Kick him out and protect yourself and your kids.

unfortunately for him am to independent and used to a hard life due to my up brining so I stand my ground with him when he's making comments at me.

What good is standing up to him doing you?

It's not stopping him from repeatedly verbally & sometmes physically abusing you.
It doesn't make it any easier for you to live with.

Somebody can be depressed & still be an abusive bastard.
Many abusive bastards claim mental health issues to excise their abuse so they get to carry right on doing it.

This depression - when did he last see his GP about it? What talking therapy or CBT has he undertaken? What medication is he taking?
Surprise me - none of these, because it's a pile of steaming bullshit?

Husband suffers with depression, he's always moany even kids are like "here we go again"
Yeah, that's not actually a symptom of depression.
It's a symptom of being a bad-tempered git who will take his temper out on his DC as well as you.

Who cares if he is depressed its still abuse and its up to him to sort his shit out. Hes a grown man.

Just because he's 'depressed' doesn't mean he's not an abusive prick.

Does he work?

What is your housing situation?

Why are you subjecting your kids to this? You need to make some serious decisions and soon before any more harm is done to them. If you accept this as 'normal' they will model their future relationships on being treated like this. Is that what you want?

Call Women's Aid google The Freedom Programme.

Good luck. But please do something.

You have a choice re this man and your children do not.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. How do you see the next 3 days let alone months play out?. It will be for you and your kids yet more of the same from him.

Your abusive husband likes you
supposedly standing up for yourself as this gives him an additional challenge, you are not standing up for yourself at all really. It also looks like your upbringing primed you into tacitly accepting this from him as your lot too.

How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

Depression too does not lead to abuse.

Doesn’t matter what u is t us but is unhealthy

there’s a fine line between asserting/defending yourself and pouring fuel in the fire
Repeating someone’s words back to them word for word is childish and antagonistic

Does he behave like this to his boss and work colleagues? If no, then he is simply abusive and it is nothing to do with 'depression'.

And don't be too proud about 'standing your ground'. You are choosing to remain in an abusive relationship and you are choosing to keep your kids in that atmosphere whether you stand your ground or whether you submissively creep about proving to yourself that you are so saintly that no matter what, you won't be provoked into retaliating. There is no actual difference.

Depression and abuse aren't mutually exclusive.

What if a depressed person was violent to their partner? That would still be physical abuse, wouldn't it, even if they were depressed? It's no different with emotional abuse/controlling behaviour.

All the while you're trying to name the problem, it carries on, and you do nothing to improve your situation. Start focussing on what to do to make your life better, rather than coming up with the correct reason for why he's making you feel like shit.

It’s abusive behaviour.
one of the things impacting his behaviour might be depression, but that’s irrelevant really isn’t it. Abusive is abusive.