Husband is so negative and miserable

[Stressedmamaof3]

I have been with my husband for 8 years have 3 kids 2 that have autism, he never wants to do anything with us, whenever I suggest anything all he ever says is no or next week , he works full time 12 hour days so I get that he is tired from work but he gets 4 days off and still doesn't want to do anything with us , he speaks to us all like crap like we are an inconvenience to him and he cam be nasty sometimes and make me feel bad for wanting to do things all the time saying that why I cant I just let him chill, problem is if it only has to involve him like going out with the lads he is up and ready straight out the door never complaining about being tired ... does anyone have this with there partner??

So what does he say when you have talked to him about how he is with you all?

Many men of young families work 12 hour days, my H did for 5 days a week every week for a very long time.

He never, or rarely, but really never took out any adult stress on his kids or me. He always came out with us or chilled and played at the weekend because he wanted to be part of their childhood lives as much as he could.

So ask him at a calm time. Explain, no argument, no name calling, just a basic husband wife conversation and seewhat he says.

Whenever I try and talk to him about it he just gets nasty and says things like " what do you want from me " he doesn't absolutely nothing with us he won't even eat a meal with me , when the kids go to bed we have our tea , he will eat it upstairs and I will eat mine downstairs even after I have asked him multiple times why he says that he doesn't like watching TV downstairs because he is half deaf so uses headphones on the one upstairs and when I have send well I will come up he says no

He's making his feelings very clear. I think that you need to make a decision about whether this is what you want, going forward, and if not, look at changing something yourself, rather than hoping he will change.

Why are you bothered about whether anyone else is in this situation? You are, and you don't like it. That's all that matters.

How challenging are your autistic children for him?

Maybe he is trying to avoid them because they are very challenging for him and as you always have to look after them, he is trying to avoid you too.

Of course, it's very wrong as for your couple relations.

How old are you both? Your H could be an introvert and a couch potato as for his personality.

Do you have your family around and close friends? Maybe you sometimes could meet them instead?

If nothing improved after talking to him, I would consider finding a better match for me, not like that constantly grumpy & miserable like some old men:).

When my DH wakes up at 5:00 am or 530 am to leave at 630-6;45 for work Monday to Wednesday, he is mainly too tired and grumpy.

On Thursday & Friday, he works from home and he gets + 2-2.5 hours sleep and is a much nicer person to be around:).

I wish he could always work from home. He is looking for a job like that. Going to the office is a complete waste of sleep time & waste of time in his case when everything can be done from home.

12 hours shifts are just crazy. I personally would hate them. For me, 8 hours is the very maximum. I'd rather work 5 days a week 8 hours than crazy 12 hours which can completely exhaust you.

Could he look for a different job with better hours?