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Original poster

Am I screwed here re house and break up

26 replies

Unhappyleprechaun · 18/03/2023 15:14

Sorry this is long but not wanting to drip feed.

Me and DP, not married but together for 20 years. We're both miserable and I want to call it a day but I dont know how to leave or even if I need to leave this house. I'm intending to see a solicitor on Monday but wonder if anyone knows if I'm likely to have to move out and leave him with everything. Hes money hungry and would love that.

  • We have 2 DC
  • In order to save a mortgage deposit, I paid ALL of our rent, childcare and household bills from Jan 2019 onwards. He then transferred money weekly to our joint account to build up our deposit.
  • In addition, he had an extra 10k he put into this account.
  • He worked away from home Mon-Fri for 5 years so I was left juggling the kids and work without his help. He recently came back.
  • We bought a house which we are doing extensive renovations to. He is a builder and is doing a lot of whats left himself.
  • The house is worth double the mortgage.
  • Were living in the house and since then I pay the mortgage in full myself out of my own current account as well as all other bills still so his wages can go towards the renovations.

He thinks I should move out and he can stay in the house. He'll pay me off whatever little amount he thinks I'm owed.

Am I screwed here given that he put an extra 10k in as deposit, saved the deposit while I paid the bills and did building work too? The house and mortgage are in both our names.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 18/03/2023 15:17

You own it 50/50 unless his extra deposit was protected at the point of purchase.

You will get half the proceeds once it is sold.

Iloveenidblyton · 18/03/2023 15:22

I’m not sure where you stand legally but I wouldn’t just accept what he says.
Its good that you have an appointment with a solicitor.

Do you have receipts and proof that you paid the rent and bills ?
That would probably amount to a similar amount of not more than his contribution.

It sounds like the house is as much yours as it is his so I wouldn’t be going anywhere soon if I were you.

So does he just expect his DCs to suddenly become homeless ?

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 18/03/2023 15:42

He thinks I should move out and he can stay in the house. He'll pay me off whatever little amount he thinks I'm owed.

Ha ha ha nice try, venal ex.

You either sell the house & split the equity, OR you get a valuation, he pays you a mutually agreed amount, & you don;t move out until the money is safely in your bank.

Do NOT attempt to do either of those things without a really good lawyer on your side.

TaunterOfWomenInGeneralSaysSayonarastu · 18/03/2023 15:43

Am I screwed here given that he put an extra 10k in as deposit, saved the deposit while I paid the bills and did building work too? The house and mortgage are in both our names.

Did he ringfence the deposit?
If not, HE's probably screwed, but given your bullet points, you're best off just hiring a lawyer, getting the house on the market & accepting an even 50/50 equity split.

Original poster
Unhappyleprechaun · 18/03/2023 15:44

Thanks. He leads me to believe he should have everything so good to know I could be entitled to something.

Everything I paid was out of my bank account so should prove I have paid it.

He thinks I should go rent somewhere else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Unhappyleprechaun · 18/03/2023 15:45

And the 10k he put in was not ringfenced.

OP posts:
TwistandSprout · 18/03/2023 15:47

You are 50/50 owners. Does he understand the concepts of half?

Whatames · 18/03/2023 15:47

If the mortgage is in both of your names you will have 50/50 of equity. Unless there is anything legally drawn up to say otherwise. Don’t move out..see a lawyer and fight for what you and your children deserve.

category12 · 18/03/2023 15:49

Nah, he's having a laugh if you're both on the deeds & mortgage.

Fragrantandfoolish · 18/03/2023 15:50

Christ don’t listen to him, unless he ring fenced the deposit he’s getting fuck all. It’s fifty fifty split as you joint own. Tell him to do one.

category12 · 18/03/2023 15:51

And if you've paid for building work etc, do you have an idea of how much you spent? I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty about his deposit if you've put in a similar amount that way.

Suetcrust · 18/03/2023 15:54

Start forensically going back through bank statements to prove your contributions? Make copious notes.
If you are efficient in proving your case you will hopefully knock him into a cocked hat.

However, as others have said, on the face of it you are entitled to 50/50 split.

Get yourself a robust, bullish, empathetic solicitor. Take advantage of a free consultation with two or three and go with your gut. (Most solicitors offer a free half hour . Ring to find out.)

I don’t envy what you’re having to go through but you can do it! Just tell your cocksure builder “D”P you’ll deal with him and his half arsed plans only through your solicitor.

titchy · 18/03/2023 15:55

Unhappyleprechaun · 18/03/2023 15:44

Thanks. He leads me to believe he should have everything so good to know I could be entitled to something.

Everything I paid was out of my bank account so should prove I have paid it.

He thinks I should go rent somewhere else.

Why would you believe that though given that you jointly own and are jointly on the mortgage? If your name wasn't on the deeds and he'd paid everything i could understand. But I don't understand your thinking that he could have a right to the whole lot Confused

pensionconfusion · 18/03/2023 16:01

You have two DC. Don't move out. Stay put and see a solicitor. The house is half yours and your kids shouldn't have to move out. The house has gained value and half that is yours. So if you bought it for £50k and sold it for £200 you would be owed £100k even if he done a lot of work to it.

Fight for what's yours. You've worked at home by raising your children.

category12 · 18/03/2023 16:02

titchy · 18/03/2023 15:55

Why would you believe that though given that you jointly own and are jointly on the mortgage? If your name wasn't on the deeds and he'd paid everything i could understand. But I don't understand your thinking that he could have a right to the whole lot Confused

Show quote history

I think blokes sometimes talk with huge assumed authority as if they really know, and you can get suckered into believing them.

I daresay women can do it too, but my experience is it's big-billy-bollock type men. 😂

pensionconfusion · 18/03/2023 16:02

Did you put your career on hold so that he could continue his? If so, it's worth discussing this with your solicitor and maybe claim more than half.

category12 · 18/03/2023 16:03

pensionconfusion · 18/03/2023 16:02

Did you put your career on hold so that he could continue his? If so, it's worth discussing this with your solicitor and maybe claim more than half.

Doubt it if they're unmarried.

Tomkirkman · 18/03/2023 16:04

pensionconfusion · 18/03/2023 16:02

Did you put your career on hold so that he could continue his? If so, it's worth discussing this with your solicitor and maybe claim more than half.

Not if they aren’t married.

Op you own half the home. Most likely is that one has to buy the other out or sell it and walk away with 50:50. Then he pays CMS.

FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:23

MadeForThis · 18/03/2023 15:17

You own it 50/50 unless his extra deposit was protected at the point of purchase.

You will get half the proceeds once it is sold.

This.

TheMatriarchy · 18/03/2023 16:31

You own half, but Id wait until he finishes the renovations before selling (or buying him out). Given you pay the mortgage that's the least he could do (I wouldn't tell him that's your plan though).

MidLifeCrisisMama · 28/03/2023 08:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 28/03/2023 08:24

@MidLifeCrisisMama can you start a new thread and can you make your post much shorter?

MidLifeCrisisMama · 28/03/2023 08:30

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 28/03/2023 08:24

@MidLifeCrisisMama can you start a new thread and can you make your post much shorter?

This was a mistake - I thought I’d started a new thread. How do I delete. I’m so sorry to OP - I don’t know how I accidentally posted here! 🙁

Harrypewter · 28/03/2023 08:54

It would be best if you tried to come to some arrangement. If you involve solicitors they'll cream away some of the equity.
We've just split, ex paid me out. I wasn't on the mortgage but supplied the deposit, funded, and carried out the renovations.
No fuss, there's still £7500 owing but I'll wait for that until the property is sold and she's decided on her life plans.

Now in your case.
You can sell it- split the equity.
Or either of you applies for a mortgage to buy the other out.

Naunet · 28/03/2023 09:04

Oh for the love of god, ignore him, he doesn’t make the rules, you know you own the house jointly so why would you listen to him saying he’ll decide how much you’ll get? I’d start muttering away about how you’re looking for one bed flats though and intend to leave the kids in their home, just to scare the shit out of him.

Get everything you can, don’t move out and don’t let him rip you off.