I’m late thirties, parents mid sixties. I didn’t have the most emotionally stable childhood and felt extremely neglected in that regard, however I had a very privileged upbringing in all other respects. As I’ve got older my parents have remained shit on the emotional level but the privilege I had as a child has been even more beneficial as an adult and I can see they are very kind people in many ways. For examples they’ve put themselves out financially to ensure I have a good home, car etc. They are very good to my child and really think carefully about what would be nice for them. They can be good fun to be around and will chat if I’ve got a problem but they are just not massively emotionally engaged.
I feel I need to say this because as an adult and as I have lots of other emotional support in my life, obviously their lack of support in that sense no longer impacts me how it did as a child.
But quite literally every time I get a text or a call my body reacts, stress, anxiety etc. I am irritable with them and defensive. If I know we are meeting for lunch or something, my anxiety is even worse. There are really good moments of course but generally I feel huge waves of anxiety when in contact with them. Once a phone call has gone on a few minutes I did relax a bit but my whole approach to them couldn’t be more different to anyone else in my life. It’s like I become a different person. I know they notice it as when there’s been a row they will bring up my defensiveness and I suppose coldness. I don’t know what it is? How do I make it stop?