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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why can't we be on time?!

32 replies

mamnotmum · 18/03/2023 09:56

Anyone else's partner just seem unable to be anywhere on time?!

Im very organised, partner is much the opposite and it's driving me to distraction!

It's almost like if he is going to be on time he decides 'oh I've got time to iron' or something really random to make sure he is late?

He then runs around the house making me feel quite stressed instead of just being more organised?!

OP posts:

Mumofnarnia · 18/03/2023 20:52

Wrongsideofpennines · 18/03/2023 20:50

My husband is like this. Its infuriating. I tell him every time we are late how upset it makes me and yet he doesn't seem to be able to do anything to change it. I tell him he should go for a shower first. So I get our daughter ready, get the bags ready, load the car etc to the point I literally can't do anything else. Then I shower and get dressed and he is still not ready. Like how has he not been able to put his socks on in 20 minutes?!

He just has no urgency about him. But if I leave without him then this just causes me more stress because then I arrive and people question why he isn't there, and think I'm the rude one for going without him.

Wait until he really needs to be somewhere and then do the same to him.

neilyoungismyhero · 18/03/2023 20:55

If we need to be somewhere at a specific time I tell him it's 30 minutes earlier. Works a treat - usually.

icanneverthinkofnc · 18/03/2023 21:09

I have a friend like this, always late. Her kids were always late for school. Thankfully, it was before the current strictness over it. School just rolled eyes.

We went away together. She soon realised I would go on without her. If it didn't matter, I didn't stress and let her get on with it. She missed breakfast one morning, i just said oh well..If we had a bus/ train/ plane to catch/ meet, then I made it clear that if she wasn't there, I wasn't waiting. She managed it. I didn't stress about it, but I was clear about it, I think that partly took the stress out of it. We had a great time, and our friendship didn't suffer.

mathanxiety · 18/03/2023 21:49

This would make me stabby.

Though I think it's an anxiety thing. Some people lose their minds when faced with a deadline. They can't cope with pressure so they veer from complete denial to panic.

I'd absolutely stop him from taking it out on the children. Do whatever it takes to out an end to him dumping his feelings on them.

mathanxiety · 18/03/2023 21:56

It's not even just a case of dumping his feelings on the children.

When he shouts at them to hurry up after he's the one who let time run out, he's blaming them.

This isn't the behaviour of a good father.

Whatalovelypair · 19/03/2023 17:33

I think people are allowed to draw their own red lines, for me being chronically late isn't a dumpable offence. I also know that I have some terrible and disgusting habits that many wouldn't like. I think it might be humbling to be realistic and think about your own habits and whether you too do something that irritates them. Since you have children, I would think leaving over this would be ridiculous. This sort of minor irritations one finds out about the other at the dating stage before any children or commitments are made... that's the time to dump them for it but once you've had children together and or built a life together you can't dump someone over this, surely!

Whatalovelypair · 19/03/2023 17:36

Reading my comment I realise my first and last sentences contradict themselves. I mean, in my mind it should take more to separate when you are married or even more so when you have children than something that you could and should have found out before all this. At the dating stage you can stop seeing them for wearing white trainers for all I care but when you have children you need to try harder to make it work and one way is having a serious and objective (as possible) look at yourself, too and what you bring and don't bring to the table. Nobody is perfect.

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