Being less involved with friends -perhaps due to children

[Deanefan]

A friendship group of four ladies, two have known each other throughout uni all four became friendly when working together (hospital setting) Two of us have kids other two are single.
I am I think unreasonably upset this weekend. The two singletons are away together about three hours away from home but have been too busy to commit to another destination that we have all been wishing to arrange for a couple of months.
I know I’m being daft about this but feel really hurt that they did not chose to ask me if I wanted to go along or even mention that they we going in advance. They contacted me to ask for advice about one of the bits of tech as they know we have a similar one.
Before you ask no I’m not 12 but this has really bothered me probably because work is even more stressful than usual at the moment and chance for a decompress with them would have been lovely. Please give my head a wobble as I’m definitely too fragile at the moment to post in AIBU

Forgot to say my kids are now secondary age so easier for me to get away and leave OH with the kids

Are the two have gone away also the ones who knew each other from uni?

This is the problem with friendship groups though, there is an expectation from members of the 'group' that everything should be done together. But life moves on, your 2 child-free friends might have got closer due to not having their own families and might just want to do something together and that's fine and they should be able to do that without feeling they have to invite others along, it doesn't mean they don't like you or they are deliberately excluding you.

No they are ones who I introduced through work.

@LactoseTheIntolerant thanks just the sort of very gentle head wobble I needed. Just hurts that they didn’t even mention it in passing.

They may have assumed that you wouldn't want to be away for mother's day - and they may have actively wanted to be away for mother's day. It's not always the easiest day for women without children, even if they're actively and joyfully child free.

This.

Feeling a bit more sanguine about it today TBH. I guess they matter more to me than I do o them. They both have mothers still!

You don't sound very sanguine about it tbh:

"I guess they matter more to me than I do o them"
This absolutely does not have to be the case

You're sounding more than a little petulant and you could lose two very good friends over the heads of this. Try to put your big girl pants on and understand that you can't be invited to everything, it's just the way life works.

And the fact that "They both have mothers still!" doesn't negate feelings that they may have about not actually BEING mothers themselves.

I should explain that they are both child free by choice. 😀

A lot of people say this, they might feel that’s the best way of stopping intrusive questions and comments etc.

I think you are imagining that this trip would be the solution to the work stress etc and yes having a distraction can help to get a better perspective of things, but you’re putting too much expectation on it.

If these two are the “newer” friends that sounds like a natural dynamic that has formed in the overall group, I wouldn’t take it as to heart as you seem to have done.

Why not organise a get together yourself if it’s something that you want to do?

But you got your husband and kids. You have plenty of company.
Do you talk about them a lot to these two friends, I’m just saying it gets very boring very fast.
What do their mothers have to do with anything?

They both know my kids a little but really i dont go on - friendships are seperate. I memtioned they both have mums because someone else suggested they might find motherd day difficult. But in fact they are childless by choice

I on the other hand messaged a friend to see if she wanted a drink Friday night which she said she would love to. She asked if I'd invited anyone else from our friendship group and I said no because it's a nightmare to organise anything and it would be nice to have a proper catch up.

Anyway Friday night comes and we're sat in the bar when two of the other girls from our friendship group walk in. The friend I'm with was a bit annoyed that they had organised to go out without telling anyone else 😂.

Friendship groups are hard work and even though it would have been nice for OP to have been invited sometimes things happen and there's no malice involved.

They are singletons, perhaps they want a singleton weekend, getting tipsy at a bar and picking up guys etc, or at least having the possibility of it? They may just want a more raucous weekend than you are up for.

Plus, as others have said, they probably have a closer friendship with each other then with the rest of the group and fancied a weekend with just the 2 of them. Because you have your family, your friends are likely on a relatively equal footing for you. They don't have that immediate family, so they have friends who take their place and these friends are closer to them than other friends would be.

So 'very gently' you're not being very fair to them and are asking a bit too much of them if you expect to be treated absolutely equally to their other friends in these circumstances.

Exactly, it's probably a completely different weekend just with the two of them. Maybe they just didn't want you to go, what's wrong with that

@OrderOfTheKookaburra thanks you have voiced exactly the gentle head wobble I needed. Clear thinking me totally sees this but having had a horrible few weeks and really would welcome running away from it all me was having trouble accepting it 🤭🤣