First date after twenty years, on Tuesday .. Help!

[teastas]

I am a nervous wreck.
I dot lack confidence normally but I'm definitely lacking it at the thought of this. He is seriously into fitness but modest and I'm two stone overweight and wobbly. I'm shitting it!
It only coffee sounds I know I can leave days if needs be.
I dont know what to wear as I'm coming from work which is normally smart/ smart casual.
He lives in tracksuits and hoodies.
I'm 49, he is 45.
Can someone please give me tips about what to say/ not to say
What to wear and how not to ramble and get flustered.
I know it's a small problem in comparison with what many are goi by through here but I'd really appreciate it .
Thank you.
Never saw myself back in this game !

Best tip I ever had was to ask questions and really listen to the answer. Its easier than talking about yourself!! And should give you plenty of leads about other things to ask about.
Don't feel you have to fill a silence.

Be honest about being nervous.
Wear clothes you are comfortable in - if that's your work clothes then so be it. I prefer to be overdressed than underdressed..
Scribble some notes on a small piece of paper that you can keep on your lap.
Put your bag on the floor so you aren't fiddling with it. (I sat on my hands once!)
But try to relax and enjoy getting to know someone new - it may or may not lead to anything but its interesting finding out about other people .

Ask questions:

• his job? How long? Did he always do that? Doe she enjoy it?
• hobby: how did he get into it? How often?
• family: siblings, parents? Where from?

Think about various themes that are relevant to his life and it should naturally break the ice and then let the conversation flow.

Thank you !
How do I fake confidence though?
Sometimes I stutter when I get nervous .
I am a smiler though but dont want to look like a lunatic either

Don't try and fake confidence. You don't need to be confident. And it doesn't matter if you stutter either! You are human - and none of us are perfect. He's probably going through similar anxieties. Just keep it simple and try not to overthink.

He has said he is very nervous too!

You don't have to fake confidence;; it is OK to be nervous and OK to admit to it. (I MUCH prefer a new date having a few nerves than being over-confident or pretending to be something they are not.)

And don't worry about being a smiler. For a start, it is much better than looking like a misery guts. And you can always just say it is all part of you trying to always to look at the bright side of things and to look at things positively.

Really listening to what he is saying is good advice; and look for opportunities to link what he says to what you say next. Or what you say later (shows you not only heard but you remembered).

But most of all, be you; that's who he wants to get to know.

Thank you!
I'm trying to play it down a bit as we've been texting this week , most days all through our work day. We haven't today or yesterday as he had a crisis at work and today we are both off ... Paddy's Day, so we're both with family and friends.
I'm overthinking now wondering 💭 f he has gone off me or is in contact with more women.

What about when the inevitable chat about why our marriages broke down?
How honest should one be ?

On date 1 OP keep it light - no need to share that much info with him. Date 1 is about finding out the fun stuff - seriously, don't go there - you don't need to.

Expect to be disappointed. If you aren't it's then a nice surprise. For every 10 first dates I went on with OLD only 1 was worth a second date.

Don't sell yourself short. There are plenty of single guys out there so this one is very lucky to have landed the chance to go on a date with you. Remember peacocks, lions, etc.. It is the male who has to go out of their way to attract the female and not the other way around.

Try to relax. It's only coffee and it's meant to be fun, enjoy!

I also second not discussing your marriage breakdown. If you get to date 5 or 10 or whenever feels right you can tell him the dirt. I always go with "grew apart really, the pressure of a young kid" and move the conversation on until I know someone better.

Thanks.
Does the topic of dating others normally come up ??? How does one answer that now r is it discussed normally.
I think he is chatting to others. I am not because I find it all so draining and time consuming but ridiculously , I feel a
Little jealous 🤦🏻‍♀️

Friend said her advice is it's a date not a marriage proposal so relax.

Thank your friend ❤️

Great advice regarding discussing the past !
I will keep my own story private for now. Does anyone chat on the phone beforehand ?

Wear what you want, and say what you want. If he doesn't seem to like that, leave. It's not an interview to see if you're good enough for him, it's the two of you meeting to have a nice time or rule out further dates. If you're nervous, you can tell him. If he's the right person for you, he'll be glad to hear it.

Stop trying to fake stuff. Who are you trying to be?

Just myself.
But, I'm nervous as the last date I was in was 25 years ago and involved a lot of alcohol.
I'm just nervous, that's all.
My boundaries are very tight. I know exactly what I want and don't want but in this cess pool of dating where I've been unfortunate enough to be contacted by many sleazeballs and half illiterate men looking for sex, this man is more on my radar. I don't want to mess it up for myself . I can ramble and stutter and over share.

If you ramble and stutter and overshare in front of him, and he's a compatible match for you, then that will be fine. Maybe it's endearing when you stutter? Maybe when you ramble, it's interesting to hear what's in your mind? Maybe if you overshare, he'll be interested, and will overshare back, and it'll be a beautiful, intimate first date.

It's all fine. A first date with the right person feels like 'Oh, god, this is lovely, I can't stop smiling!', and a first date with the wrong person feels like 'Lovely to meet you, I best be getting home, good luck with your dating!', and that's it.

Thanks @Watchkeys . Amazing comforting advice as always x

@teastas
How did it go?