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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Separating not married

32 replies

001vhud · 17/03/2023 06:14

I don’t know where I stand. I am coming out of a 22 year relationship but I am not married and the house is in my ex partner’s name. He was always the higher earner and I the homemaker. I am scared that don’t think I am entitled to anything from the house which is paid off now. I can’t afford to move out. We don’t have children together just from previous relationships. Can he force me out of the property. I don’t know where to turn?

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 17/03/2023 14:35

Can everyone stop telling her she’s fucked up

she knows that and comments like Your post should act as a salutary warning to others in similar situations.

what’s the point other than making her feel even
worse ? And she’s in a bad situation as is

op get some legal advice and great your working x

MichelleScarn · 17/03/2023 15:04

How long did you spend part time and was it only because of his kids or would you have had to do the same for your own?

Mortimercat · 17/03/2023 15:58

001vhud · 17/03/2023 12:14

I have worked continuously through our relationship. Maybe homemaker is a wrong choice of words. I gave up working full time to part time to support him in looking after his 2 children as he was a widower and when they grew up and left home I went back to full time employment. He was always the higher wage earner and yes I did contribute to many bills etc over the years just not the mortgage directly. So now I am 53 years old and I feel used and I know it is my fault for now sorting things out legally I was too trusting. The only thing joint we had is a will do if one of us died the other got the house .

Your will comment does not make any sense in the context of the rest of our thread and you need to clarify that. Is the house in your name or not?

If it isn’t, then your will doesn’t make sense and also it doesn’t matter whether you contributed to the mortgage or not, that would effectively be “rent”. Only if you contributed to the house in a capital sense, such as paying for an extension, might you have a claim to a beneficial interest in the house.

Honestly, I think the only thing you can do at this point is to get back to work full time and see if you can come to an amicable agreement with him regarding moving out.

MintJulia · 17/03/2023 16:19

So the good news of this situation is that you've continued to work so have presumably paid NI and therefore are up to date withy our pension.

It also means your skills are up to date and you can presumably increase your hours to cover rent.

I guess you have some savings, or you can persuade him to provide you with a flat deposit in return for looking after his children all those years.

He is a high earner so I think I'd ask him for a sensible sum to get you started - deposit, furnishings etc. After 22 years, hopefully he will agree to that.

Good luck.

Lefteyetwitch · 17/03/2023 16:31

MintJulia · 17/03/2023 16:19

So the good news of this situation is that you've continued to work so have presumably paid NI and therefore are up to date withy our pension.

It also means your skills are up to date and you can presumably increase your hours to cover rent.

I guess you have some savings, or you can persuade him to provide you with a flat deposit in return for looking after his children all those years.

He is a high earner so I think I'd ask him for a sensible sum to get you started - deposit, furnishings etc. After 22 years, hopefully he will agree to that.

Good luck.

You mean during the time he housed her and her children?

He doesn't owe her any amount. Anymore than she does.

The Op needs to look to the council and her own employment.

Skeuomorph · 17/03/2023 17:09

He is a high earner so I think I'd ask him for a sensible sum to get you started - deposit, furnishings etc. After 22 years, hopefully he will agree to that.

And will he offset that against what he’s paid to house the OP and her children for the past 22 years?

Dacadactyl · 17/03/2023 17:12

I may be naive, but is the split amicable?

Surely if so, he wouldnt see you in a room in a shared house or hostel?!!

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