Do abusive men ever lose interest in their children?

[Alishaattic]

Currently going through the family court. Ex trying to obtain access to our daughter. He has to date only had supervised access in contact centre owing to domestic violence. This has been ongoing for a number of years.

To his credit he has turned up to every session bar one.. However I have had to miss our last session owing to illness.. I offered a make up session which normally he would take up but this time no.. Nobody was able to get hold of him to reschedule then when he finally did he said he was much too busy.

Recently DD has said he's always on his phone during sessions also..

I have also heard he's moved in with his new partner of only a few months and that she has 2 kids herself.

Do abusive men eventually lose interest or do they consistently treat their children like possessions?

Selfishly, I would love him to lose interest but also when I look through my daughters eyes, her having to deal with this emotionally, my heart breaks for her. I've done everything I can to uphold the order but feel he's losing interest because he now has access to two other children.

Is this common?

Why has his new gf let him move in within a few months, and she has DC? It's pathetic how desperate some women are to have a man in their lives.

@Alishaattic and @Ooompaloopa
Thats terrifying that he’s allowed access to other children… especially with the amount of work he’s supposed to be doing wrt DV etc.

I don't know OP but like a PP said, why is he allowed to move in with this woman and kids? Do the courts know this? Those poor children. Agree some woman are so desperate for a man they take anyone, also he will be feeding her lies about how its all your fault etc.

I was the DC, and in my case my F continued to maintain the contact arrangement. He continued to be abusive to my DM through me, although his hold on her lessened over time. He also became abusive to me. If it helps to judge if this is likely to be the same scenario for you, I think my F genuinely wanted a relationship with me, but his own abusive upbringing, MH issues, and resulting need to be in absolute control and get what he wanted made it impossible for him to not to be abusive and manipulative (obviously he could have chosen to break the cycle, he definitely knew what he was doing as he admitted it a couple of times and expressed a wish he could stop. I am giving the reason for his behaviour, not excusing it).

They do lose interest in my experience. My ex made my life a misery with repeated court applications, taking DS and not returning, he put in an application citing parental alienation during lockdown when I was having chemotherapy for cancer and had to isolate alongside my child on the advice of my oncologist (maintaining video calls between him and DS all the while). He absolutely dismissed OW's abusive behaviour towards DS. She absolutely hated and resented my little boy and made it clear he didn't figure in their future. All the while, they were planning a move to the other end of the country so he knew full well he wouldn't be able to maintain regular contact. It was all about making my life difficult.

Eventually, once I had recovered and I had been contacted by other people who had witnessed OW's treatment of my child, when I established they had bought a properly 700 miles away, I took it to court myself. What did he do? He wrote to court and told them he didn't want any further contact with our son. We haven't seen him since. That was 3 years ago. These men are disgusting. So yes, once they've finishing abusing and controlling you, they lose interest. Evil pricks.

IME yea. Every time. New shiny interest comes along and they disappear.

A couple of professionals have been quite concerned he's moved in with this new partner and her children, after only about 4 months.. I question her lack of judgement also. I'd undertake my due diligence before letting any man near me and my daughter..

No he hasn't.

I guess that's good.

Hi there

I know this thread is old but I was wondering if you could share OP how it is going? I’m in this hell at the moment - he has just involved expensive lawyers after being arrested for stalking despite not really wanting to see the kids. He is absolutely terrorising me and I have a full time job and a 1 and a 3 year old and I feel exhausted and scared.

Any advice from anyone so appreciated!!

You should probably start your own thread x

This ^
However it does depend on any new partner - I’ve seen abusers masking with a new partner and sticking to orders and being nice. They they tend to sell a false narrative to the new partner to make the ex out to be a witch and then they either both bully the ex and child and make out they are the better parent or they cut contact.

in my case the ex can’t contact me - we are 10 years down the line but he is still trying to love bomb the youngest and make out it’s a mean mummy and a dad fighting for contact.

However after a lot of time he is beginning to see that daddy’s love is cycling not children.

He’s also widened up to the fact he is a toy and his dad will dump him when he likes. So my role is being stable and empowering him and supporting him.

From my experience he lost interest once I showed that I stopped giving two hoots.

He doesn't want his GF to know he is an abusers by now. He wants her to discover it slowly like you did.

He doesn't care about nobody other than him.

No one can predict

my ex actually really misses the kids and we have (tersely ! Via text !) made some ways for him to see them more

Who knows what will happen here
we’d all hope he’ll maybe evolve and grow as a human

id also say being around other kids and his free housing landlady (oops I mean new partner ) might make him miss his own child more

time will tell