Too much too soon?

[Navigatingarelationship]

I'm very recently out of a relationship, literally 3 weeks ago. I found it stressful to end it but eventually did.

I frequently use a meditation app on my phone. Two weekends ago a guy connected with me on there, just a couple of comments related to meditation. I didn't think anything of it. Then last Saturday he sent me a direct message. I responded as we have some things in common and it was nice to find a like minded person. He gave me his phone number saying to use it if the app ever stopped working. Perhaps stupidly I didn't think much of it and gave him mine. He then sent me a message on whatsapp asking a question and shortly afterwards he wanted to phone me about the question he'd asked (nothing personal, just a topic of interest). I said no because I was tired (true) and not up to it. He was fine with that and said another time. We ended up chatting briefly on Tuesday evening, just in relation to the app, nothing too personal, but we did agree to meet up sometime in April.

But he has texted every morning since, sometimes the evening as well, and wants to chat on the phone again this week. It's starting to feel too intense. I'm someone who likes my own space so maybe it's just me but he hasn't even asked me if I'm in a relationship. I find that very odd. He hasn't even seen a photo of me!

This morning he texted again sending me a photo of his morning coffee. I texted back making a comment and then said that I'm not really looking for a relationship and want to check we're on the same page. I said I'm really just looking to connect with people who like meditation and similar interests. I'm not ruling out anything more but not actively looking.

So far he hasn't replied.

Did I lead him on? It wasn't my intention, I literally just thought it was nice to connect with someone who also likes the app and has similar interests. There was never any questions about what we were looking for or our relationship statuses. I felt he was coming on too strong but maybe that's how dating works now? I'm a bit out of practice as I didn't really 'date' my last relationship as he was a long term friend.

You don't want to connect with total strangers that much surely?

Why haven't you just blocked him? I would have.

This is not dating ffs, it a pushy bloke you don't know, who doesn't even know what you look like, butting the bars of your shark cage with his nose.

Although, tbf to him, maybe he's just a bit that you felt the need to tell him you don't want a relationship. He'll be thinking that the doesn't even know what you look like.

He might just be a bit intense and have shit boundaries.

Either way, you don't explain yourself to strangers when they are pushy, you block them.

Is be inclined to block.

But then I'd even find a partner messaging me morning and night suffocating af.

Thanks. I did consider blocking but thought that might seem a bit rude! Plus, yes, in a sense it is nice to connect with like minded people as I don't have a lot of friends to meet up with who are interested in the same things. That's really why I continued chatting. Then it started to feel a bit weird.

I felt he was coming on too strong but maybe that's how dating works now

Dating for you works like this: you meet someone and you really like them, so you date them. If you meet people who don't float your boat, you don't date them.

It doesn't matter 'how dating works' unless you're trying to play a game by some rules. This is your life. You do what you want, not what 'dating' dictates you should do.

Dont forget all you did was download an app for meditation.
He was the one to contact you, and let me tell you something, those who are a bit red flaggie do just that, they are fishing. He has definitely done this before, and now that he has your number he is overstepping a little by invading your space with a morning text, calls, night texts, and you go along with it, because you are nice, and he knows this. And I doubt that you lead him on although he will try and use that to make you feel bad for telling him to cool it.

The good thing is, you have never met him, you dont own him your life, and or date or anything of the sort so just block him, its an option. Meditation app is not a dating app. Its for meditation but some people like to try this when its an option on the app, to contact another member, sometimes out of loneliness but its not your job to save those lonely soles, not your job

Thanks everyone. I blocked him in the end before he had a chance to respond.

I forgot to mention that before he asked to call me he said he couldn't wait to hear my voice. He also asked me to send a photo of myself ( I didn't). So it all felt too intense and rather icky.

I blocked in the middle of him 'typing' so I do feel a bit bad but also relieved that I don't have to deal with the texts and calls anymore. It was really weird and definitely a learning experience. I suspect he is lonely actually but as you say not my problem.

It sounds like he is on the hunt and desperate. You did good cutting contact, but if he contactado you again vía other mean (and I wouldnt be surprised given his predating behaviour) I would let him know that you have a boyfriend and you consider it was not appropriate for you to cuatro.

Leave him blocked. You did the right thing. Use this experience to think about setting boundaries for how others can treat you including strangers. Listening to your gut is essential. If someone is pushing against your boundaries it’s a bad sign, whether for friendship or dating. Don’t give your number out so easily.

I blocked him on the app as well. I don't think he would have any other way of contacting me as he doesn't know my surname thankfully. We didn't connect through any other social media and he only knows the general area I live in, no specifics. I should be safe. I'll definitely be a lot more cautious in future.

Hold on.

You are worried you might seem rude to a stranger you have never & will never meet, who is annexing your time on an app?

Your boundaries are desperately out of whack.
PP mentioned this gut "butting his nose against your shark cage".
Here's the metaphor she was referencing -
www.jennisspace.com/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

You don't owe random strangers politeness at the expense of your comfort.
You don't owe men your time.
It's unwise to chat to men you've never met & allow them to invade your time & headspace like this.

A woman with good boundaries would have told him his contact was becoming intrusive, & then blocked him.
Here is another resource for you, to help you learn how women find & maintain their boundaries -
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

Having said all that - bloody well done for listening to yourself, & then posting here for a sense-check. Keep yourself safe & keep nurturing that instinct!
www.amazon.co.uk/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0747538352