A thread to remind ourselves to keep the block on

[QueefQueen80s]

Sorry if there is anything like this already.
I know there are many of us fighting constantly to keep someone blocked who is bad for us, whether it be a narc, abusive person, love bomber, cheat, sleaze, gaslighter etc.. these people can be addictive as they can also make us feel the dizzying highs too.

I've been semi involved with someone for over 3 years and would love to finally keep that block on for good, I get on so well with him so it's hard, and I miss him when we don't talk.. but then his presence makes me feel bad. I know I will be better in the long run without him.. so thought we could all post reasons to keep those blocks on when we feel weak and maybe help each other.

He makes me feel like an old whale, I'm 37 and size 12 (even though he tells me I'm the most beautiful woman etc) because he sleazes on 18 year olds when he's 40. Adds them on facebook and sleazes all over their photos.
He thinks because he says the nicest things to me then thats what counts. Nah mate your actions are gross!

I think you just answered your own question with your second post?

The point is that despite their flaws, we keep letting them back in. This thread is for anyone who is having a weak moment to remind ourselves and post reasons to keep the block on.

I think some men can have some great qualities, which makes them great friends, but they have some other qualities which makes them entirely unsuitable as partners. That could be what you're missing, talking to him as a friend. You know deep down he's not going to give you what you want as a partner though.

This is where holding a massive grudge is actually useful. I’m thinking of an ex friend when I say this. There is no way that person is getting back into my life so she is staying blocked forever, doesn’t matter what happens. If I forgive, I’ll be letting her in again, I know me, so mahoosive grudge it is.

You need to be brutally honest with yourself and recognise that your need for attention, thrills, validation, sex or whatever is what is perpetuating the situation where you continually lower your standards and engage with someone you know to be an a-hole.

That's how I stopped it. I stopped seeing myself as a victim being drawn in and someone who was actively putting myself in that situation again and again when I really knew that apart from a little tantrum at me not being available, he really didn't give a shit about me so me agonising about blocking/unblocking or contact/no contact was just me victimising myself.

That will sound harsh I'm sure but I mean it to be helpful.

You have to treat is as an unhealthy addiction but one you're choosing to keep active. Taking responsibility for it was really powerful for me. And once you do it and persist in it, after a while when the hormones and the dopamine and everything else has worn off, you look back and think "what the hell was I doing?, he's an a-hole!".

I'm on day 3 of the block and struggling but realise how much worse I'll feel if I message and he doesn't respond or worse responds with the love bombing again followed by the life crushing silence! So block it is

Yes - it's a drama addiction! I should know as I struggle. I want the highs even though I am totally aware that they come with massive lows. Basically you want the endorphin hit. You just have to take it one day at a time, like any addict. I'm not going to unblock him today.

Yep, stay strong and break the cycle.
It is hard. I think all the good qualities almost minimise the red flags and poor behaviour because we love how they make us feel when things are great. That seems to overshadow the negatives. But we deserve better and we need to make ourselves feel the way they make us feel when things are going well, then we’ll notice we don’t actually need them in our lives and we do deserve better.

My block is a family member, not a lover.

Yeah addiction is a good point. Hadn’t thought of that.

The longer they are blocked the easier it gets.

Block still on after 16 days 🥳 partly because of this thread. Thankyou everyone, some stuff really resonated!