Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

How to explain to Dd (6) her dad doesn’t want to see her.

5 replies

Ostryga · 15/03/2023 23:03

This is killing me. I have threads on here explaining everything but basically DD’s stepmum was being violent and agressive towards my 5 year old. It had been going for a while before Dd told me what was going on.

As soon as Dd told me I stoped contact with her dad and spoke to the safeguarding lead at DD’s school because I had no idea how to deal with this.

It has come to the point Dd cannot have any contact with her dad - he told dd she made it all up (she was 5 at the time) the only time I organised contact with him.

what do I say to Dd? I can’t be entirely honest with her now at 6, but I also can’t lie to her. Where do we go from here?

OP posts:

Mochinated · 15/03/2023 23:12

There's a spectrum of contact though?

I don't agree that "he doesn't want to see her".

The assessment has been made that DD is not safe in his home due to the abusive non-parent resident?

"Some bad things happened at dad's house so you won't go there anymore. But dad will meet us in the park for a play."

Original poster

Ostryga · 15/03/2023 23:19

Mochinated · 15/03/2023 23:12

There's a spectrum of contact though?

I don't agree that "he doesn't want to see her".

The assessment has been made that DD is not safe in his home due to the abusive non-parent resident?

"Some bad things happened at dad's house so you won't go there anymore. But dad will meet us in the park for a play."

No there isn’t a spectrum.

There has been no assessment except mine and DD’s school. We both agreed that Dd is not safe at her dads house so offered him to come to our city to see Dd.

He did once and refused after then.

I did say search my posts, it explains everything and is quite concise.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ostryga · 15/03/2023 23:20

Anyway! How do I explain to Dd after all of this that her dad doesn’t give a fuck?

OP posts:

Rainbowqueeen · 15/03/2023 23:26

I’d say to her that not everyone is good at everything and that some people aren’t good at being dads. And so it is best for everyone if the dads who need to work on their dad skills spend time away from their DC while they do that.

That way you’re not saying it is forever or that it is her fault at all.

Im sorry you’re in this situation

DreamTheMoors · 10/07/2023 01:31

I’m so sorry, @Ostryga

Maybe you could tell her Daddy wasn’t quite ready to be a daddy just yet. Sometimes it takes people longer than others, but you hope he’ll be be ready sometime.

Does she have a grandfather or uncle or any strong male characters in her life? You could mention them.

Love to you both.

Flip