For those in a brand new relationship , how much contact do you have every day

[clubzero]

When you can't see each other a lot or once per week .
It's brand new .
I've met him three times !

We are now a few months in but it’s only changed a little. Originally we would send a couple of texts a day and meet once a week for a date. Neither of us always replied instantly to messages (still don’t). As we got to know each other more we’d have the odd evening where we texted a bit more about something specific. This morphed into staying overnight once a week then to spending a bit more time over the weekend. We still only text a few times a day and without expectation of instant replies but we also chat on the phone one evening a week (it was actually twice this week!)

Theres no right answer but there is right fir you. My ex seemed to need continuous texting contact which I found really drove my anxiety. Constantly checking for texts and thing of replies and trying to get in there first a few times so he wasn’t starting all conversations… it was exhausting. The new boyf knows I’m busy, he too is busy so most days it’s just the text equivalent of “thinking of you, hope your day is good” which works for me.

Anyone please?
I'm out of this game so long I don't know what's normal!!!

Surely you’re not in a relationship if you’ve only met 3 times?

At the start it was a flurry of messages from morning till night about our days - actually it still is as he works away although we have now moved in together. Rarely phone as neither of us like talking on phone but constant contact from date one for us.

Thanks for reply.
This is my problem too.
I was completely love bombed in my previous relationship.
Texting all through day and the a call every night at a time that suited him.
He was very needy in hindsight and wanted to get his clutches in early.
The fall out when I shouted stop has been horrendous .
From begging to abuse to contacting my family.
I'm rid of him now.
So I find it strange to be with a man who texts in the morning .. just a hello and then sporadic contact .
He is busy. I am busy.
We both have full lives but it's getting used to not being bombarded with texts and songs all day long that I'm trying to get used to.
It seems really mature or something but I'm still a little in the fog about it all!

It's a very strange thing for me. My ex texted everyday and tried to be with me as often as possible, but I found it too overwhelming so we broke up. Now I date a guy who I text everyday and want to see often, but he finds it too overwhelming, so we break up. In short within 3 years I have morphed from old me to my ex 😂

Jokes aside, text alone isn't a red flag if you are fine with it.

Might be a generational thing too.

At the beginning all day or at least a few almost every day, and a lot at night. Bit more sporadic when busy and might skip the odd day.
After a good while it’s actually not changed much from that and it’s lovely 🥰

I actually don’t think there are any rules to this, just like friendships and how often friends text etc are completely different depending on the person, so are relationships. I think as long as you aren’t sending 2000 messages a day anything goes really. I think you should just be yourself and not hold back or overthink it. If they’re the right person for you it will be okay. When I first met now dh 15 years ago we texted each other a LOT from our first meeting. On and off all day, and then we’d have a phone call in the evenings we couldn’t meet. And that was good for us. Others would have probably found that too much. Each to their own.

guy I’ve been seeing a few months is a couple of messages a day. I’d rather more but he’s got 100% custody and young kids. Mine are teens and grown up now so I have a lot more time. It is fast becoming an issue between us but largely due to other reasons too.

It depends on the relationship and the people involved.

For DH and me, we started a relationship after our first date (he even told me he loved me on the first date) and then we saw each other every day as well as texting. Been the same ever since and we have been together 9 years now.

I don't know if I'm being paranoid but hen texts each morning as he's about to start work but hasn't this morning despite being online and we're due to meet later. He also left me on read last night.
The only thing I can think of is that he may be dropping his kids to school in a neighbouring town but other than that it doesn't look good does it?
Or perhaps I'm overthinking ???
Getting used to this new norm is weird .
I know he's not a big time tester at night but my re so during day .
Thoughts?

Texter *

You need to relax. Text him when you feel like it, rest assured he'll text you back when he gets a chance. You'll drive yourself insane and him away with this level of scrutiny. Me and partner generally always have a call or chat before bed. We both work so can go a while before being able to reply. I might read a message slyly in a meeting but can't type back for example. It doesn't matter what the reason is the problem is your obsession with it. Chill.

I know you're right and thanks for reassurance.
While I feel I've done some
Great work on boundaries
and healing after an awful end to a relationship six months ago , I'm used to texts coming in at all times of the day and quick responses from my ex

Funnily enough my closest friends don't do this and neither do I , with them
We get back when we can even if we are on line sending off a quick text to someone else so I'm trying to get my head round why I feel unsettled. That doesn't bother me with my friends so why does it bother me with him !!!!

Romantic relationships are different to friendships, I wouldn't expect the same kind of texting. It depends on what works for you tbh, everyone is different. My DP is very quick to text back if he reads a message and always has been, i'm the same with him - assuming it's possible, and if we can't we'll say...gotta do X, text you later. It literally takes 20 seconds. We text on and off through the day, less if either of us is busy but always catch up once the kids are in bed for an hour or so. It works for us because we can't see each other as often as we'd like and we can't move in anytime soon either...so it's how we do things and suits us both.

My husband and I didn't text each other when were going out. Still don't. We met when we were 32/33. Perhaps texted once a day or every other day at the beginning? He moved into mine a fortnight after we met, so the relationship progressed quickly, but we didn't text or call. We texted each other when we had something to say. When and where to meet, anything needed from the shop, should we do this at the weekend, that kind of stuff. We never sent each other 'checking in' type messages. I mean, what's the point? What could possibly have happened since the last time we spoke/messaged? Oh, we do occasionally send each other funny things we want to take the piss out of together.

It's refreshing to read the different experiences and I don't feel so bad now!
Embarrassingly for me, he had text a few minutes ago but perhaps I need to chill out and not be so quick to text back and be so available all the time !
It was just my way for to previous relationship so I need to manage my expectations a bit better !

He may think since he's seeing you later he doesn't need to be as chatty. I would expect a message today from him to confirm date later.

He messaged good morning a while ago .
I will reply soon and hopefully then we'll
confirm.

That's good then!

So been seeing someone for almost a year, we do good morning and evening messages, catch up at lunch. He works hard and doesn't use his phone much during the day. Spend every second weekend and 2 nights per week together. We trust we are both into each other and committed to the relationship

That's the ideal alright @ @Oopsiedaisyy !
Feel like an idiot now.
Getting used to a new normal regarding texts is not something you think about having come out of a toxic relationship !!!
It seems trite but I've probably always believed that if a man or a woman is interested , you will know .