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Relationships

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Original poster

No longer attracted to husband…

13 replies

Unknown246 · 15/03/2023 16:03

Okay so firstly, don’t hate me…

I just want to know if I’m being horrible here or if there’s someone else out there who has ever felt the same as me.

I’ve been married 5 years, we have kids and a seemingly happy life together.

But I don’t find my husband physically attractive anymore.

Generally, we’re fine. I think his attitude has changed since his body has which I hate, he’s basically a bit of a slob/dick. But when it comes to being sexually attracted to him, it’s just not there. We’ve been through a lot since we first met and have both put weight on, however his attitude towards it all is just awful.

When we were first together, he was incredibly fit and muscular and went to the gym and exercised regularly. Now, he sits on the sofa playing games eating every kind of rubbish food he can find and just openly belches or something and it’s the biggest turn off. He has all the time in the world to exercise or go to the gym but refuses to. I’ve put a bit of weight on, but have adapted to this and still wear nice clothes etc. whereas he spends all his time in sweatpants and hoodies.

We barely have sex, he hints he wants it pretty much everyday but I don’t find him physically attractive. Honestly, I think of other people when we do have sex.

What do I do?! I can’t talk to him about it straight up. I’ve tried to convince him he needs to start doing some of his old hobbies like the gym but he’s just so content and I’m pretty sure he’s thinking “I’m married now, I don’t need to make the effort”.

I’m becoming increasingly worried that I may be starting to find other people I meet attractive…help me!

OP posts:

Hubblebubble · 15/03/2023 16:05

Start going to parkrun/swimming/rock climbing gym and ask him to join? You can't be annoyed he doesn't exercise if you don't either.

Original poster

Unknown246 · 15/03/2023 16:11

I do exercise…I’ve lost all of my baby weight and more. I’m slimmer now than before we got married.

OP posts:

GoodChat · 15/03/2023 16:14

Why can't you talk to him straight up? Tell him you need to feel like he's making a bit of an effort and not that he's just expecting sex because you're his wife.

Tell him he still needs to make you feel wanted and appreciated and behave like a gent, not a slob.

Hubblebubble · 15/03/2023 17:51

If you do exercise then can't you ask him to join you? Or do stuff where exercise isn't the only aspect of it, like hiking in nature. You can also take cool photos, spot animals, take in scenery and have a picnic.

LoatheOfBread · 15/03/2023 17:58

He is your partner you should be able to tell him that you find his habits a turn off and that he needs to shape up and improve his hygiene and dress sense.
Don't have children with him unless he changes seriously and better yet break up if you don't have children together because even though I'm saying talk to him, realistically a person needs to know these things by themselves otherwise they might improve a bit then slide back.
If you have children together you just need to have a frank conversation and hope he implements the changes. Be prepared he might also want you to change some things too such as lose weight too or something about your behaviour.

Ghostbuster2639 · 16/03/2023 00:53

Stop having sex with him. It’s harmful to your well being and will cause long term resentment.

Do not start taking responsibility for his diet or try to coerce him into exercising with you. This is the way he is unfortunately and you’re probably right he thinks he shouldn’t have to bother because he’s married now.

Perhaps you should separate. The attraction has gone and it’s not going to come back. Even if he lost the weight you would never feel the same about him he’s killed your attraction with his weight issues and belching.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 16/03/2023 01:58

He's not going to change and the belching and slovenliness shows he has zero respect for you.

How long can you tolerate that??

TrishM80 · 16/03/2023 02:06

You say you've both put on weight, but then say you're slimmer now than when you got married?! 🤔

So have you put on weight or lost weight?!

Sshiamreading · 16/03/2023 02:34

It’s understandable you feel that way, if his weight gain was due to illness etc it may be another matter but I know for me it’s the attitude of inactivity and overeating on the wrong food and the general lack of regard for his own Health that would put me off. Especially when you have kids and it’s not setting the best example for them.

I think you should explain to him how you feel and say you’re worried about his health too.

Seaoftroubles · 16/03/2023 11:49

I would definitely speak to him directly but concentrate on his lifestyle and general slovenly behaviour, rather than his weight. Explain that you find it a turn off and ask him if he is prepared to change. If not and he refuses, then l would seriously consider separating as it's not likely to get any better.

Pinkbonbon · 16/03/2023 12:04

He's a pig, basically.

As for the 'talk to him' comments...I don't see the point as he has already told you he doesn't give a shit how you feel ('I'm married now so...').

Sorry op, but id call this a day.

I suppose you could try one last push by sitting him down and telling him softly, but straight, that you don't fancy him right now and so need him to sort himself out. Attitude included.

His reaction will tell you everything you need to know. I think it unlikely he will promise to sort himself out and follow through but, we live in hope. And anything less than that - time to go.

But certainly stop sleeping with him until you find him attractive again. Sex is supposed to be mutually enjoyable.

SherlockStones · 16/03/2023 12:12

TrishM80 · 16/03/2023 02:06

You say you've both put on weight, but then say you're slimmer now than when you got married?! 🤔

So have you put on weight or lost weight?!

I thought this too, which is it?

BlackPanther75 · 16/12/2023 07:20

This is a difficult situation, but I would say this type of thing is generally quite common in long term relationships too.

It sounds like you want to stay together but you’re not happy with his lifestyle and his behaviour as well as how he looks. I don’t blame you. It’s really important for me too that I make an effort to be attractive for my wife and that she does the same. Sometimes I have fallen short of this and let my appearance slip, and sometimes so has she

I’m a talker and think you should tell him how you feel and how it’s important to you that you find him attractive. That will be a wake up call for him. Tough love and all that. It’s not an easy conversation to have, and feels really scary, but that’s because it’s really important. I personally think that for whatever reason he’s taking you and your relationship for granted. His dad might have had a similar attitude maybe. But who wants to be married to a belching game man child? It’s important for the health of your relationship that this changes and better to be direct IMHO than let the resentment and irritation leak out indirectly

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