When you get to that stage in recovery from abuse that you can tell your brain “we not thinking about him today thanks”! Why does the brain keep wanting to understand the un-understandable?

[Rainbow03]

It’s been a few years free for me. I’m not sure if you call this a kind of CBT but I’ve got to a stage in my recovery when the relationship comes into my brain for a little mull over I say “not today brain, we’ve learnt what we had to thanks”. Then I do something completely different.

Its taken a long time to get here. The brain wants to understand but crazy can’t be understood. When I start down the rabbit hole it got me nowhere but confused and lots of negative emotions.

What is it about our brain that continuously wants to understand the un-understandable, does it have a name?

Habit. As simple as that. Congratulations on breaking the habit of going down rabbit holes

What is it about our brain that continuously wants to understand the un-understandable, does it have a name?

I don't think it has a name, but it's a survival instinct. You've been through a trauma and your subconscious is trying to turn it into a learning experience. Like, if you could somehow find a phrase or action that would have turned off the abuse, your subconscious wants to believe that you will be safe in future as you'll 'know how to handle it'.

It's the same instinct that's behind victim-blaming.

• That person was attacked while walking home alone
• Therefore if I never walk home alone, I will be safe
• Therefore it's the victim's fault for walking alone, and if I keep repeating that I can convince myself I will never be attacked

Sounds like you're doing amazingly well working through the trauma. Keep on keeping on.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation yes I feel my brain is trying to find fault in my actions or even his actions. I often got myself in a chicken and egg situation. You go round and round and achieve nothing. I’ve been reading about narcissist abuse and it’s really resonated. I came to the conclusion none of my actions in and way shape or form would have made a blind bit of difference. Well unless I loved him more and became an empty body with no dreams, personality. needs etc which is impossible. I have come to accept the not so great parts of me he exploited. I’ll work on those for my own greater good.

In a way meeting him has made me a more reflective person. I’ve discovered parts of me I like and parts I wish to improve.