What was this? (TW - sexual content - may be upsetting)

[musicandpassion]

I didn't know where else to put this so apologies if it isn't the most appropriate place.

I'm not even sure if this happened. It feels real but I think it could even be a false memory, although I have no reason to believe that, IYSWIM.

When I was younger, I don't know how old, maybe 4-6 ish, an older female relative (she would have been 8-10) asked me to lick her vulva. I didn't want to but she insisted. I got close but decided I really didn't want to, said no, and ran away.

I have no idea why it has suddenly come to my mind, but I've recently gone NC with this relative (for other reasons) and it seems to have been playing on my mind since. It had come to my mind before going NC with her (so I know the memory was there before I stopped contact), but it's been swirling around my head more ever since then. I've never told anyone this before, not my exH, my parents, or anyone. My DP doesn't know, but he does not like this relative at all. I feel like if I tell him then it will cement the dislike he has for her and we will never reconcile, although right now I don't want to reconcile with her anyway.

Could it be a false memory or could it have really happened? Why is it now bothering me so much? I've always kind of dismissed the thoughts when they've came to me before but now I'm considering telling someone and I feel upset and embarrassed. Is it even worth telling DP? Will it make me feel better if I do?

It could have happened or it could have been imagined, I don't know either.
Anyway, you were both very young and you didn't end up doing it if it did happen. You're already NC with her.
For a 8-10 year old to ask this I wonder if she was abused, if this actually happened. It could be she saw this in porn or someone might have been abusing her.
I personally wouldn't think of it anymore or tell my DP, I might mention it to a therapist if I was in counselling but nothing happened and you might have imagined it and you didn't actually do it if it did happen. I probably would be cautious not to leave my children alone with her just because I'm firmly in the trust your guts when it comes to protecting children even if it offends others or you can't rationally put in words why you have a bad feeling.

Some children experiment like this and they grow up to have a normal sexual life but some don't. So I'd just give her a wide berth.

I wonder if the older relative had been abused too? I mean for a child that age to even know that it’s a thing is a concern isn’t it? I had things happen when I was young but not with relatives. They were all young children too so not something that’s bothered me over the years, but was clearly inappropriate at the time. Have a chat with your DH, you might feel better talking about it. I’d just remember that she was a child herself and perhaps something was going on in her life that triggered her to ask.

My son had a sleepover once and one boy apparently asked another to lick his penis. I’d doubt anything was going on in his life (knowing the parents as I do) but I guess they were around the same age as your relative. Guess it’s normal to start to understand your body and hear things in the playground.

You say you’re unsure or not as to whether this is a real memory. If this did happen, it is something so abnormal for an 8-10 year old to do I would also think she was being abused. Being made to or allowed to watch porn is also abuse.

Hi op , I'm glad I found this post .

Iv also been having flash backs of when I was younger . My mothers friends daughter who was the same age as me would practically dry hump me . Kiss me whilst doing it . She would get naked in front of me and make me look at her vagina.

Also touching sometimes too . At the time I remember feeling uncomfortable but obviously once it was done I didn't think of it any more .

I do think now maybe she was getting abused or what I have read is that it's normal for some children to experiment .

Children start exploring their genitals before puberty which is normal but I don't think oral sex is on the radar unless you've seen it or had it done to you. I think naturally it would be repulsive to put your mouth there and I can understand that touching or dry humping is something more in line with self exploration.

If it were me I would be more worried about her than worried I was abused.

Thank you for the replies. I don't think she was abused, we had a very similar upbringing and were around the same people. I'm certain if she was abused then I'd have known about it by now, but I guess it's something to think about.

I don't find letting go very easy so now it's in my thoughts I know I will think and think about it. I guess I just need to try and forget about it.