Higher sex drive, constantly rejected?

[BabyUxX]

Hi everyone,

I have been with my partner for nearly 3 years. I very much love him, we have children together and have lived together since we first met. Cutting a long story short, I'm the one with a high sex drive than him, I'm talking significantly higher.. to the point I basically feel so rubbish about myself because I just am so frustrated. I want the intamcy, I want the affection but it just isn't happening. I'm talking once every two to three weeks if I am lucky, where as I want it every few days atleast. I can lay there naked and he won't be bothered, I try to kiss him and it's like he just gives me a peck and that's that. He tells me he's just tired all the time or he hasn't got any interest for it, he tells me it isn't me and theirs nothing wrong with me but it's very hard to feel any different 😔 I want to feel sexy and wanted. I keep having dreams of men wanting me and the desire to have sex in my dreams because I just feel so unsatisfied. I want him so much but it feels like he doesn't want me the same, he hasn't given me oral sex since last July. I've tried talking to him so many times about it but he just brushes it off. Tonight, I tried to come onto him but it didn't happen 😔 I'm 26 and he's 29. I feel like we should still have a sex life. I'm downstairs feeling like crying right now whilst he snores upstairs. Am I crazy for wanting love and sexy time? 😔

My ex left due to his need to have lots more sex and to experiment with his sexuality!

honestly besides exploring why you are so needy in this department (insecurity constant need for reassurance) find someone else.
sorry sex pests are annoying regardless of the gender.

It's not 'needy' or insecure to want sex with your partner every few days and OP's not a fucking sex pest, Jesus.

Wanting to know your romantic and sexual partner to feel physically attracted to you is not insecure, it's normal.

OP - only you know if you can live with someone who doesn't value this aspect of your relationship much. I wouldn't, unless he started communicating about it better. DH and I had a patch where it was every 6 weeks to 2 months but he was good at communicating why, making time for physical closeness that wasn't sex etc. That made a lot of difference. If he'd refused to discuss beyond "it's not you" and refused to try addressing 'tiredness', health issues, whatever... I'd have seen that as him ignoring something important to our relationship and it'd have been a bad sign for me.

If you've only been together three years and have more than one child, it's not surprising he's tired. Most parents with two little ones aren't rampant. Every three weeks or so is good going in that case. Many people in their twenties might want and get more but less so parents of very young DC. What was he like before you had kids together? Although perhaps that was still in the honeymoon phase so not representative. Just wondering how circumstantial it is and whether it'll get more active as the kids get older. If not, you'd need to weigh up what's for the best.

I think wanting sex more than once every 3 weeks doesn't make someone a sex pest 😐

Some people just aren't compatible sexually.
Sex was the reason my ex-husband and I ultimately divorced.
There were other things but yeah sex and the lack of affection that came with the infrequent sex, destroyed the marriage.

I felt like I had a housemate not a husband.
He was once a month
Then once every 3 months and so on. It just got worse.

2 DC in 3 years of just knowing each other is a romance and passion killer. Not to mention living with each other from the start - bit of an odd rushed situation. So who was pushing it so fast at the start?
People who love-bomb, tend to fall out of love just as fast because it's the thrill of the new that hooks them, and once it's not new, the interest wanes.

I was in a situation where sex was once or twice a month at best with my DH for over 10 years.
We are now at a couple of times a week (I definitely want a lot more but still working on it).
My DH is on SSRI meds, has low testosterone which he won’t treat.
Things I have done to improve our sex drive included listening to sex therapy podcasts. They often have really good tips.
The two I listen to are Dr Psych Mom podcast and Closeness with Tari.

Sex life not sex drive, sorry!

a sex pest for wanting sex more than every 3wks with your partner? What a load of rubbish. I don’t see any evidence she’s pestering him. She’s making it clear she’s up for sex and he’s saying no, that never makes anyone feel very wanted in a relationship, especially if you’re refusing to discuss why.

OP - is he genuinely tired? As in beyond normal? Guess men get low iron etc too. Might be worth a health check. I would be feeling exactly the same as you, sounds like he’s not putting much effort into sex too when he does want to do it. Do you have much help with the kids? Can you get some night alone? Mini break to reconnect etc?

There's no right or wrong as such. You just have different sex drives. It's just a question of whether or not this is something you can live with. I know I couldn't but I also know lots of people who do just manage and get by.

I can totally understand your frustration. You're still so young as well, so of course you want to feel attractive to your partner.

Maybe have a discussion with him. Life gets busy and sometimes it's hard to get in the mood when there is so much going on.

Why’s he so tired? Is he concerned he’s not up for it that often? What were things like before you had the kids?

I wouldn’t be happy with once every few weeks and don’t think having children should mean the end of having sex more than that often, least of all in your 20s.

Maybe he wasnt really ready for kids and feels trapped and resentful
maybe he no longer fancies you but wont say anything because of the kids
maybe he is depressed
maybe he has madonna/whore complex
maybe non of the above or several combinations thereof.

It doesnt help you of course but for whatever reason he is currently not interested in sex and if he cant/wont explain cut your losses