Avoiding sex due to body image

[Indigo89]

Youngest DD is 2 (oldest DS4) and after co-sleeping and breastfeeding until recently, sex has been on the back burner, libido almost non existent. Now I'm finding myself again, as opposed to just being "mum" but I can't stand what I see in the mirror.

I'm several dress sizes bigger than pre kids, my boobs are deflated sacks, thighs veiny, I have rib flare and diastasis recti from carrying two huge babies and look like a sack of potatoes. My libido has returned but I'm holding back from acting on it as I feel so unattractive.

My husband is very in shape and we look so mismatched. I feel so frumpy compared to he woman he was so physically attracted to whereas now I feel must want sex in spite of my appearance rather than because of.

I've started going to the gym and jogging when I have time to shift some weight but the unnatractive features like empty boobs, ab separation and rib flare can't be changed can they??!
How do I move past this and enjoy a sex life with such body hang ups?

[Dj2020]

No advice really but I could have wrote this myself.. you're not alone and I feel the same.. its having issues though as my oh now is thinking I'm not interested in him which is not true. I too have started back at the gym

[Mistystar99]

Hey, you've had babies together and unless he is a completely stupid person, he'll know that means your body changes! Is he a completely stupid person?
Give yourself a bit if space and time to get back to you, don't be afraid to ask for time to yourself. Wish you well xx

[Nandocushion]

Actually your boobs should totally go back to normal if you haven't done extended bf? Mine did. And friends have successfully dealt with the abs thing with a knowledgeable trainer. It takes time, don't worry! And don't be so hard on yourself.

[Nextlevelnonsense]

I remember feeling like utter crap when my first was small.
Your body has successfully grown an entire human person. Try to celebrate that incredible fact.

I had 3, and did a lot of breastfeeding.
The first took about 9-12 months before my body felt like mine.
Then second was maybe 6 months.
The third was like magic.
Your body IS magnificent. It will remember what it's supposed to do, but it's currently in 'shock and awe' mode.
Your DH should be in awe of your fabulousness.

Does he know how you feel?

[IdrisMelbaToast]

As a 40 year old man with a wife and family, I think the expectations about sex change as you get older. Sure when I was in my 20s it was all about what weird and wonderful positions we could do in weird and wonderful places. Now that I'm older, I just like sex as a way to feel a connection with my wife.

Most men don't have the expectation that they will age yet they will always be making love to a women with the body of a 25 year old.

Just have the confidence to go for it, show affections, cuddle, say nice things, just be you in the moment.

[concernedalot]

@IdrisMelbaToast

As a 40 year old man with a wife and family, I think the expectations about sex change as you get older. Sure when I was in my 20s it was all about what weird and wonderful positions we could do in weird and wonderful places. Now that I'm older, I just like sex as a way to feel a connection with my wife.

Most men don't have the expectation that they will age yet they will always be making love to a women with the body of a 25 year old.

Just have the confidence to go for it, show affections, cuddle, say nice things, just be you in the moment.

What is wrong with your mind that you felt the need to post this sort of statement about 'most men with the 25 year old' . Do you think we admire your dad bod just as much? Seriously. We don't. 'Just have the confidence'? What planet you on!

[IdrisMelbaToast]

Well it was more that the perception in the media, tv and stuff is that men are only really interested in young women and women over 40 are invisible, I was trying to say that most actually real men are not as shallow as media suggests.

I was also just trying to be supportive, encouraging someone to be confident is not a bad thing.

[ZeldaWillTellYourFortune]

@concernedalot dimbo did not understand your post & had an unwarranted go at you.

The rest of is got it. Your thoughtful comments are appreciated.

[ZeldaWillTellYourFortune]

I meant, @IdrisMelbaToast

[CatAndHisKit]

concernedalot you've misread it - he said 'we don't have the expectation*, he was encouraging the OP - good idea to read carefully before biting someone's head off!