Abusive ex appearing in the media

[Louisegluck]

I was in an abusive and violent relationship for many years. Eventually I got out, cut off contact, moved on with my life, and am now happily married with a family.
However, my abusive former partner has started to build a career as a journalist and media personality. They have a prominent weekly byline at a major newspaper and website. They are starting to appear frequently on TV and Radio.
When I see their face pop up, when I hear that voice, I feel like I am right back in the abusive relationship, afraid of their violence, walking on eggshells for fear of their reaction. I have to close the browser, turn off the TV. My heart is racing, I'm sweating, short of breath.
My current partner, who is kind and loving gives me support, but doesn't seem to really understand what an abusive relationship does to you, how it crushes your self esteem, how you blame yourself for what is happening.
I don't know what to do other than to avoid anything where my abuser might appear.

Gosh what a nightmare.
I've actually dreaded similar with past exs. But it must be especially worse with abusive ones.

Did you ever report his abuse towards you?
Did ppl in your life back then know what was going on?

Hello, I’m in a similar situation. I don’t have any advice as I am quite crushed by it. It feels like it reinforces the fact that nobody will ever believe me. Feel free to message me if you like

I reported nothing at the time. Nobody knew it was happening. Abusers are very clever at throwing a veil over things so people outside the relationship can't see what was happening, of framing everything so it seemed like it was me being flaky and pathetic. I believed it myself! I don't think I even realised that what was happening was even abuse until afterwards, I felt I had provoked it through my behaviour - all the clichés!

Yes it's the way for many unfortunately.

Do you know anyone else he has dated before or since? Maybe they went through similar experiences and you could all report him to the police?

Of course, it would be a drama and a half.

Tbh I'd be inclined to straight up confront him via twitter. But obviously, there would be fall out from that.

Sometimes it's just best to enjoy thinking about such things. When you think about it, you have the power now. One word from you could fuck his whole career. He probably lives in fear of that. From you or some other woman he has hurt.

Hopefully he will fall of onto obscurity soon.
Until then, be kind to yourself.
I'm sure there are people watching him at home on their tvs going 'that guy gives me the creeps'. Some people have good intuition.

Or he/she's already got their own thread on Tattle.

OP, for one, you could benefit from trauma based therapy, and secondly, I usually find that training oneself to mutter 'YOU FUCKING CUNT' whilst not hurling a mug at the TV is handy, as contempt is far more useful to me than fear.

Its horrible isn't it. I have a horrible ex who crops up occasionally on TV. Makes me feel sick every time.

I also know someone who is in a TV series which is all about him so is swanning around like he's God's gift. He is a massive cokehead and does loads of drugs in front of his kids etc.

I don't want the drama of exposing this person. I thought I'd moved on completely, and don't want to have to drag it all out now.

Also, I'm still not sure I'd be believed. I'm common as muck council estate, my ex is from a wealthy well connected family (hence the successful media career lol). That family can afford all kinds of libel lawyers to protect that career, and I have no evidence other than my word.

I'm not sure whether it's best to completely ignore it, or to get used to it. Feels like ignoring it, carefully picking the newspaper and TV to avoid it, means the abuse still has power over me

I'm so sorry. My ex is well known on TV and it's impossible to avoid him. I felt like I was going through exposure therapy by not being able to filter him out of what I watched. It did get easier for me (I left him 10 years ago). Do you have real life support? If you can't report it or out him, maybe having the support of a friend or helpline will help you.

If it's one particular place that's having him on, try to email the producer/publisher and explain your situation. You can make up a new email (be anonymous) to send from if you like. Most people wouldn't want to hire someone who has been hurting people.