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[Hippityhoppity]

this has been prompted by the thread ´just found out my FIL..´and I´ve name changed (if it´s worked properly)

My sister told me that on a drunken night our cousin confided in her that she´d been abused by an older cousin from about 5yrs-14 years old. She said she would never tell anyone because she would hate to think of what it would do to her parents. Since then she has dropped contact with my sister and in general we are not close to that side of the family anyway (they live in another country).

Said cousin is now in his late 30s and has small children.

I have no idea what to do with this information. Asking her about it is completely impossible. Therefore so is trying to convince her to tell someone else. There is a possibility she lied but I have no reason to believe she did/would and therefore can only believe it´s true which makes me worry for his children and any others he may come into contact with.

Can anyone advise?

Could you not go to the police and tell them what you said on here and ask them for their advice? I would hope that the police are their to help as well as arrest, well maybe not, but they might be able to help.

I'm not sure going to the police is a good idea when all you have is a third-hand story, especially if you think there is a chance your cousin/sister was lying. Because child molestation is such a panic-trigger, it's possible that this man could find himself not only arrested but splashed all over the papers and talked about all round town for something he didn't do - but an accusation of paedophilia is one of those things that kind of never washes off. Are you remotely close to the man and his family ie have you ever suspected anything funny about him?

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FWIW, I'd be extremely concerned. To abuse a 5 year old demonstrates a willingness to cross taboos to a highly distressing degree, and a seriously messed up notion of what is sexually attractive.

No mention of how old he was. Is he in this country?

I would approach the NSPCC, or Childline. They will be able to offer good advice about how to proceed. The chances of a prosecution may be remote, but to protect other little ones is paramount.

He may have "stopped", but to offend against a child of such a young age does not offer a good prognosis.

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indeed MF. That's why approaching a non-statutory agency is best in these circs. Not police or Soc Serv.

She states her cousin or sis has no reason to lie.

the reason for the stopping of it may be directly relevant here too. If she stopped it, better. If he ceased, more worrying - his sexual cature group may be pre-adolescents and once cousin grew up, shewas no longer attractive.

agree though. Caution needed, but to do nothing doesn't sound like an option either.

"capture group".

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Yes I aree about approaching an agency for advice as well - just did not know which one to recommend.

Thanks, I forgot to put a subject and when I saw it come up ´untitled´ I thought no one would answer.

My sister is not lying, I believe her 100% that my cousin told her this. This was not in this country and I did not grow up with these cousins. The girl I know a bit more from holidays etc and she and my sister were relatively close when they were younger but the guy is older and I never really spent any time with him. I can´t say I´ve had funny vibes off him but that´s not much of an indicator, is it?!

All I know really is that his mum had him young and he was raised for a long time by my grandparents. His father was physically abusive to his mother but they split up when he was small and I don´t think he had much contact with him after that. Otherwise he seems generally genial, pleasant etc.

I have no desire to ruin anybody´s life but I feel like I can´t just ignore it when it could be true.