Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH doesn't want more DC; I'm late

51 replies

baybeemamma · 14/03/2023 08:53

I'm just looking for a bit of a hand hold please!

I'm married with one DC (17 months) and one step DC (14).

I'd like to have another child at some point, and have been speaking with DH about this, but he is sure he is done. I've been sad about this, but obviously would never force him into anything.

We are not using medical contraception, but I do time my cycles and am clear with him about times of the month etc - he pulls out around ovulation days. (I've told him this isn't contraception! But he seems comfortable with it in lieu of using condoms.)

I'm one day late, feeling a bit sick, and generally freaking out. Do I try and wait a few days and put it out of my mind? Do I tell him I'm a bit stressed as I'm a day late and usually clockwork? Do I just take a test to at least have the info?

I've been unwell lately anyway so it might just be that my cycles are a bit upset - and I'm not sure if the worry is what's making me feel nauseous!

I obviously love him and know he would be supportive, but I know this isn't what he wants and the thought of this is much worse than I would have expected given I do want another DC.

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 14/03/2023 09:38

Rosula · 14/03/2023 09:34

Pulling out is simply no guarantee that the woman has no sperm inside her. It's notoriously by far the least reliable type of contraception, and should only ever be used if you don't really mind if you do conceive.

Show quote history

In the majority of men, 'pre-cum' contains no sperm. I've used this method, it works. It's not 100% and probably not as effective as 'formal' contraception but, if you do it properly, you're unlikely to get pregnant if you're tracking your cycle.

Still, at a day late, I'd be testing.

aSofaNearYou · 14/03/2023 09:38

I wouldn't stress about this at all. He doesn't want more kids but is choosing to use a really unreliable form of contraception. If it happens it will be totally on him.

MajesticWhine · 14/03/2023 09:38

What everyone else said.
He wasn't really serious about not wanting another child. You probably are not pregnant, but this is a wake up call for him to take responsibility.
If you are pregnant then don't let him make you feel bad, you have done nothing wrong.

QueefQueen80s · 14/03/2023 09:42

Sorry but that's the risk he took, he prioritised more pleasurable sex instead of protecting against a HUGE life change he is adamant he doesn't want. But then a lot of men do that.

Mischance · 14/03/2023 09:43

Your OP seems full of guilt as if you have done something wrong - you haven't - he has.

He knows you would like another child. He doesn't, but chooses not to use proper contraception. He can hardly accuse you of manipulating him into a third child.

Suzi888 · 14/03/2023 09:52

Firstly I would test so you know where you stand. Only then can you make decisions.

Secondly he needs a vasectomy or you need more reliable contraception, pulling out doesn’t work.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 14/03/2023 10:10

Just tell him. If he was really that averse to the idea he'd be using a condom.

gamerchick · 14/03/2023 10:16

We are not using medical contraception, but I do time my cycles and am clear with him about times of the month etc - he pulls out around ovulation days. (I've told him this isn't contraception! But he seems comfortable with it in lieu of using condoms.)

Has bitten him on the arse then hasnt it? You only use that method if another baby wouldn't be the end of the world.

Hellno45 · 14/03/2023 10:21

You need to test so you know for sure. If your husband doesn't want more children he needs to choose an alternative contraceptive.

My husband recently asked for a vasectomy and was properly sent a email with all different contraceptives that I can take. Which, I think is outrageous. Men and clearly some GPs think contraception is a woman's problem.

neilyoungismyhero · 14/03/2023 10:24

If he definitely feels 'done' then he should get the snip or practice reliable contraception, minimum being a condom. This is down to him.

ittakes2 · 14/03/2023 10:48

I think you need to read up on natural contraception! Pulling out 'around' ovulation days? The female sperm can live in the womb for weeks - there are little curves down the bottom of the womb where they hang out. Its the male sperm that swim faster but don't last as long...but even the male sperm can last a few days so pulling out around ovulation days...
And then there is the odd sperm in the fluid before ejaculation. Honesty you two need to do some research! I think teens know more about avoiding pregnancy.

ittakes2 · 14/03/2023 10:50

Even the NHS website says sperm can live for 7 days before an egg is release:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/natural-family-planning/

Kentlassie · 14/03/2023 10:51

Take a test and go from there.

CharmedUndead · 14/03/2023 11:03

Stop freaking out; you've done nothing wrong. You are having regular, unprotected sex with a man who knows he's taking a massive risk. You are both adults and no one is lying to anyone.

If he does not want children, he should use the reliable birth control methods available to him.

Take a test. Find out for sure. Then take a few days to process the news and know your own mind, before telling him.

Lefteyetwitch · 14/03/2023 11:08

So you've had u protected sex and now your late? What a shocking and unexpected surprise.

Just take the test.
You will get to decide what happens and heel just have to live with it and the kid will just have to live with the consequences of two adults poor planning.

aSofaNearYou · 14/03/2023 11:14

I think people are quite quick to assume that a dad who doesn't want another child would be neglectful towards one of it happened. You do see threads like that on here sometimes which is appalling, but lots of parents have "accidents" when they thought they were done and tbh I think the vast majority of them just get on with it, unless they're a total arsehole.

YRGAM · 14/03/2023 12:45

If a man is having unprotected sex with a woman he know is not using contraception, he should accept that pregnancy could happen. It's absolutely ridiculous for him to feel hard done by here.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 14/03/2023 13:01

Stating he categorically wants no more children yet having unprotected sex every single month is utterly ridiculous and irresponsible.

That aside, knowing what is going on is necessary now. You might be worrying about nothing, you might have plans to make but you'll only know from testing now.

If it's negative, you (as a couple) desperately need to make better contraception plans

Ladyofthesea · 14/03/2023 13:37

The pull out method resulted in my youngest nephew. After that SIL got the coil.

Naunet · 14/03/2023 14:14

If he doesn’t want another child, he should stop putting his sperm into your vagina, it’s not difficult. Or maybe he sees abortion as a form of male contraception and is planning to push you towards that should you get pregnant?

Morechocmorechoc · 14/03/2023 14:26

Someone who doesn't want kids uses actual contraception!!!!

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 14/03/2023 15:01

If you are pregnant, and he has been ‘pulling out’ as a method of ‘contraception’ (hardy har) I really hope he doesn’t not have the audacity to be a cunt about it and pressurise you into doing anything.

bbyno2 · 14/03/2023 15:06

I have a 3 yo and a 2 week old from the pull out method 🙈

MarshaBradyo · 14/03/2023 15:07

He’s not trying very hard not to have a baby

Good luck whatever happens

MisschiefMaker · 14/03/2023 15:45

Have you taken a test yet? We're all dying to know.

Good luck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread