Driving myself crazy. Has to be the end

[JibberJabberlol]

Hubby and his drinking and everything that is the result of that. Constantly has a drink on the go at home. Angry and shouty, slamming doors. Bad feeling every single weekend.

ive tried on a number of occasions to discuss the amount he drinks but he just does not see it. He got really upset yesterday. Ive tried the nicest possible way to end our long marriage but its like he just doesnt take me seriously. Carrying on like the conversation didnt happen, making plans.

i was direct, asked him to leave by the end of this month (my rental, my name on contract and my name on all bills). ive been bringing this up since January. He doesn’t want to.

Even thought he works full time he’s rubbish with money and hasnt even given me the all of his half for bills this month, always seems to have money for alcohol though. we do nothing together, i do majority of childcare.

For context- Yesterday he dranks 8 cans of lager and half a bottle of wine. This is typical for him And he furiously denies an issue

Like so many posts of this type its mainly about the alcoholic.

What do you get out of this relationship now?. When are you finally going to say no more?. Have you ever sought legal advice re divorce?.

I would seek legal advice re divorce and present this as a done deal. You may well have to employ legal means to remove him and like so many he is refusing to leave.

Trying to talk to an alcoholic about his drinking is a complete waste of time; its about as effective an action as peeing in the ocean.

Your own recovery from his alcoholism has not even begun and will not either till you and he are completely apart.

He won't take you seriously if you have never followed through with any threats made to leave or divorce because he's heard it all before. He thinks in his head well, "she'll rant and rave for a bit and then does nothing so does not mean it".

The people I feel the most for in all this is your children as they are seeing this at first hand. You have a choice re this man, your children do not and they've heard and seen far too much already. Trying to protect your children from all this dysfunction whilst under the same roof is impossible.

Do not further make their father's alcoholism the cornerstone of their childhoods. Put your own self along with your kids now front and centre in your life, not this alcoholic.

Would also suggest you contact Al-anon and get real life support for your own self; at the very least read their literature. You will find people from all backgrounds and creeds at those meetings.

Ive tried the nicest possible way to end our long marriage but its like he just doesnt take me seriously.
Save your breath for a lawyer, & get the ball rolling.
Living with an alcoholic is hell, living with an alkie in denial ever more so.

i was direct, asked him to leave by the end of this month (my rental, my name on contract and my name on all bills).
Talk to your lawyer about this. You are likely to be able to get some form of order to have him removed from the property, as it's a tenancy in your sole name & he;s stopped paying.
If you can evidence his non-payment, that's a bonus, but your lawyer will clarify what steps you need to take.

Im just really unhappy about it all. I feel a
sad but hes more interested in drinking. Its over i need to stand my ground

We are not intimate. He is a sex pest given half the chance. Plus by the time the kids are in bed hes half cut and stinks of booze so that ship sailed a long time ago

i just want to move on

And you deserve to move on, OP. Follow the good advice here and just get the divorce under way. Good luck xx

You're going to have to file for divorce and sort it out that way - he's clearly not got any intention of leaving, and he has a right to stay in the family home through marriage, whether it's you on the tenancy alone or not.

Sounds awful. You need to chuck him out but I know that’s easier said than done. Maybe give him a date (in the very near future) to move out and if he doesn’t - pack his stuff, change the locks and send the kids to family for a couple of days and call the police if he kicks off?

In the meantime do NOTHING for him. Don’t cook, clean, wash his clothes etc. He needs to realise its really really over.

She shouldn't change the locks, he has a right to live there as they're married.

Can you check with your LL that you can remove him?

Well hes not officially at that address. I took the tenancy on as a single person (as i was making a break for it 2 years ago). Reasons as above. Something happened and i felt sorry for him so said, he could stay 3 month trial. He knew exactly what was happening. But here we are 2 years on and nothings changed except drinking has gotten worse. Big mistake on my part letting him move in 🤷🏻‍♀️