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Original poster

Partner messaging his team member

35 replies

twix23 · 12/03/2023 17:52

My partner is a manager n has a young girl who works in his office (she's 20, hot, he's 31). He'd given his phone to our toddler to watch a video earlier and he was napping, I took the phone off her to turn it off n play with her but something in me told me to look through his messages quickly whilst his phone was unlocked, idk why, not something I do but it was a gut feeling I suddenly had! I saw messages he'd sent to this girl he works with at 8pm one night few weeks back asking 'what you up to tonight x' and then carrying on the convo with her when she said about her takeaway 'sounds like my perfect night x' and all this shit, then says to her 'where was my invite for food?' She's like 'with the postman' etc. That was all there was on messages n then I stopped looking as it made me feel sick. Idk what to do. I feel like I want to explore his phone more now but I don't know his passcode, as scared if I confront him he could then lie n delete stuff couldn't he. I thought I trusted him but clearly I don't. Am I over-reacting here? If my manager text me at 8 on an evening asking what I was doing with kisses etc I'd think he was being flirty. It's inappropriate n I feel like a mug.

OP posts:
ToBeOrNotToBee · 12/03/2023 18:24

Yeah that's completely not acceptable.

Yuck.

carameansbeloved · 12/03/2023 18:32

Does it matter if he deletes them if you confront him? You can’t unsee them. It is flirting. Do you want to be with someone who flirts with other women? (He is potentially sexually harassing her - the power dynamic is off given his position at work and she may feel powerless to tell him to eff off or block him.)

winterbegone · 12/03/2023 18:32

Sorry it does seem like he's trying to flirt with her.

Farmageddon · 12/03/2023 18:33

I'm sorry OP this doesn't look good. Can you take a photo with your phone of the messages or something? Regardless of him denying it, you know what you read.
The sad thing is she probably feels obliged to answer him as he is her manager, and it's probably making her feel uncomfortable. He is in a position of power and she may not feel confident enough to tell him to stop texting her.

As for your relationship, I would lost trust in him tbh, he is clearly trying to flirt with her and make something happen - how can you be sure this hasn't happened before. The reason you checked his phone in the first place was your gut instinct telling you something wasn't right.

Original poster
twix23 · 12/03/2023 18:34

carameansbeloved · 12/03/2023 18:32

Does it matter if he deletes them if you confront him? You can’t unsee them. It is flirting. Do you want to be with someone who flirts with other women? (He is potentially sexually harassing her - the power dynamic is off given his position at work and she may feel powerless to tell him to eff off or block him.)

No I want to see if he's interacted on instagram messages with her too as he follows her on there, but if I confront him he could delete these if he has! God I sound crazy. Fully aware I'm sounding crazy

OP posts:
MissingMoominMamma · 12/03/2023 18:36

He’s sleazy and inappropriate.

Ugh.

carameansbeloved · 12/03/2023 18:44

No I want to see if he's interacted on instagram messages with her too as he follows her on there

Why? Why would an interaction on IG be any different to what you’ve already seen?

HaveTheDayOff · 12/03/2023 18:48

My partner is a manager n has a young girl who works in his office (she's 20, hot, he's 31).

She’s a woman. Not a girl.

something in me told me to look through his messages quickly whilst his phone was unlocked,

can you still hear the voice now?

I saw messages he'd sent to this girl he works with

Again, she’s a woman.

Idk what to do.

is he always so inappropriate with women? Do you fear for her safety? Can you message her and warn her about him?

I feel like I want to explore his phone more now but I don't know his passcode,

should have done it when it was unlocked.

scared if I confront him he could then lie n delete stuff couldn't he.

He absolutely would.

I thought I trusted him but clearly I don't. Am I over-reacting here?

you never trusted him if you wanted to look at his messages.

If my manager text me at 8 on an evening asking what I was doing with kisses etc I'd think he was being flirty. It's inappropriate n I feel like a mug.

very inappropriate.

GreyTS · 12/03/2023 19:01

Honestly this is what I would and have done, pack my bags, take my child to my mothers, or somewhere else safe. Send him a message saying 'fuck you, you disgusting cheating arsehole, I'm done' and then wait. Don't reply to a single message, don't say a word either on the phone or in person, do t confirm what you know or how you found out. Just be patient, wait, he'll end up telling you everything and then you can decide whether you want him back or not

AllOfThemWitches · 12/03/2023 19:03

GreyTS · 12/03/2023 19:01

Honestly this is what I would and have done, pack my bags, take my child to my mothers, or somewhere else safe. Send him a message saying 'fuck you, you disgusting cheating arsehole, I'm done' and then wait. Don't reply to a single message, don't say a word either on the phone or in person, do t confirm what you know or how you found out. Just be patient, wait, he'll end up telling you everything and then you can decide whether you want him back or not

Yep, most people would react something like this. Don't understand all this 'bide your time' bollocks I see on here.

Original poster
twix23 · 12/03/2023 19:11

HaveTheDayOff · 12/03/2023 18:48

My partner is a manager n has a young girl who works in his office (she's 20, hot, he's 31).

She’s a woman. Not a girl.

something in me told me to look through his messages quickly whilst his phone was unlocked,

can you still hear the voice now?

I saw messages he'd sent to this girl he works with

Again, she’s a woman.

Idk what to do.

is he always so inappropriate with women? Do you fear for her safety? Can you message her and warn her about him?

I feel like I want to explore his phone more now but I don't know his passcode,

should have done it when it was unlocked.

scared if I confront him he could then lie n delete stuff couldn't he.

He absolutely would.

I thought I trusted him but clearly I don't. Am I over-reacting here?

you never trusted him if you wanted to look at his messages.

If my manager text me at 8 on an evening asking what I was doing with kisses etc I'd think he was being flirty. It's inappropriate n I feel like a mug.

very inappropriate.

You're clearly a very compassionate person 🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
twix23 · 12/03/2023 19:12

GreyTS · 12/03/2023 19:01

Honestly this is what I would and have done, pack my bags, take my child to my mothers, or somewhere else safe. Send him a message saying 'fuck you, you disgusting cheating arsehole, I'm done' and then wait. Don't reply to a single message, don't say a word either on the phone or in person, do t confirm what you know or how you found out. Just be patient, wait, he'll end up telling you everything and then you can decide whether you want him back or not

I feel like that's a over reaction when I haven't spoken to him yet? I have an older child too I wouldn't want to drag into that sort of thing. I'm also pregnant so don't fancy packing up and leaving rn, my parents don't live close and I have a full time job to go to! It's all a mess

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 12/03/2023 19:14

Ew he's flirting with other women when you're pregnant!? Scum.

Choconut · 12/03/2023 19:15

I'd tell him I wanted to talk and then ask him what was going on with x. Not say what you know, just hint that you know something is going on. See what he says.

sweatervest · 12/03/2023 19:15

i feel sorry for you with a husband like that
i also feel sorry for the girl he's texting - she probably thinks he's a complete twat but she hasn't thought to block him yet.

crisscross101 · 12/03/2023 19:17

Eugh... that poor young woman being harassed by her older male boss. She's being polite because she needs her job but I can guarantee she thinks he's a sleazy old bloke.

This might be my daughter in a few years.

Sorry you're married to a sleaze OP. Only you can decide what to do next but for me, it'd be the Ick and the end.

WimbleOfWombledon · 12/03/2023 19:23

Ugh, vile sleeze.

Not only is he sending sleezy and inappropriate texts to other women, he's putting his job (and your family's security) at risk by sending them to a much younger, female colleague who he manages. If (when?) she reports this to her workplace, it may well end in disciplinary action for your husband with the possibility of a warning or dismissal.

I'd be asking him to leave.

WimbleOfWombledon · 12/03/2023 19:25

☝️ HR person here btw- and fed up of seeing this sleezy and predatory behaviour in the workplace- we always take a very hard line on this.

BatFaceOwl · 12/03/2023 19:44

@HaveTheDayOff maybe do as your name suggests?

OP - id try and get his phone again and have a proper look through. Tbh, nothing suggests affair but it certainly suggests intent to take things further and that's as bad tbh

I think it's probably a leave him offence but this is dependant on his reaction when you tell him what you've seen. It's 'fishing' sort of chat - not platonic friendly chat

HaveTheDayOff · 12/03/2023 19:47

BatFaceOwl · 12/03/2023 19:44

@HaveTheDayOff maybe do as your name suggests?

OP - id try and get his phone again and have a proper look through. Tbh, nothing suggests affair but it certainly suggests intent to take things further and that's as bad tbh

I think it's probably a leave him offence but this is dependant on his reaction when you tell him what you've seen. It's 'fishing' sort of chat - not platonic friendly chat

Someone with your username might want to think twice before you start this argument 🤣🤣🤣

BatFaceOwl · 12/03/2023 19:48

@HaveTheDayOff I'm not starting an argument

And bath faced owls are super cute so there! 🦉 🦇

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2023 19:49

Your husband an absolute fucking sleeze and he is harassing a young woman he manages, making a tit of himself in the process. I'd bet my house this isn't the first time, either. How can you possibly stay with such a disgusting man?

HaveTheDayOff · 12/03/2023 19:52

BatFaceOwl · 12/03/2023 19:48

@HaveTheDayOff I'm not starting an argument

And bath faced owls are super cute so there! 🦉 🦇

What the heck is a bath faced owl? I’m imaging a creature with a tap for a beak and two plug hole eyes.

MissLucyLiu · 12/03/2023 19:52

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2023 19:49

Your husband an absolute fucking sleeze and he is harassing a young woman he manages, making a tit of himself in the process. I'd bet my house this isn't the first time, either. How can you possibly stay with such a disgusting man?

The girls is also entertaining this flirting coming from her boss. I understand the power dynamics but she doesn’t need to flirt back and he will get the message. What’s with all the kisses they send each other !

Aquamarine1029 · 12/03/2023 20:00

MissLucyLiu · 12/03/2023 19:52

The girls is also entertaining this flirting coming from her boss. I understand the power dynamics but she doesn’t need to flirt back and he will get the message. What’s with all the kisses they send each other !

Show quote history

I didn't see where she is sending him kisses, just him sending them to her. Her telling him his invite is with the postman is a subtle way of her telling him to fuck off imo. The op never said this was flirting back.