How do you split the mental load?

[mysparkleismissing]

The cooking, meal planning, shopping, washing, ironing, changing beds, travel, birthdays, etc etc etc

We both work ft. Him 2 days a qeek at home.

Just curious we need to have a conversation

DH does longer term stuff like utilities, researching stuff, and also buying things I send links to, dealing with returns. He also does DIY.

I do stuff for DDs and day to day house, though DH helps when needed, especially in pandemic when I wasn't coping.

We both do sporadic cleaning.

It is split on pretty traditional lines but it works happily for us and plays to strengths and interests.

I have no patience at all for researching tech. So I find something roughly like I want and then DH puts the time in to come up with best options.

I guess divide responsibilities so you each have your own set of things to take care of? One of you does the laundry, the other does the shopping, meal-plannings & cooking, or you could alternate weeks for it. You don't nag each other, it's just up to them when/how they do it as long as it gets done.

Him WFH is irrelevant really as he ought to be working rather than doing chores.

He does his family's birthdays. you do yours.

Holiday planning I'd do together.

You probably ought to also discuss standards as well - if he's "showhome" and you're "lived in" or vice versa, the person with the higher standard should probably take on the tasks that bother them most, or adjust their expectations. Like say husband likes everything ironed, he should be doing the ironing while wife who doesn't give a crap about ironed clothes focuses on some other task that's important to her.

I sort stuff for the kids and he sorts house stuff. I find this works best, as while he's willing to do more, by the time I've told him what to do to make sure we're not doubling up I've already done the mental load.
He's a better cook than me so does most of that. I do most of the rest of the housework but I work part time so happy with that.