Two years after breakup, this is how I'm feeling

[Scotcousi]

I was discarded in a cold way, like a piece of dirt, after a 4.5 year relationship. I didn't see it coming at all and I was broken hearted, developed anxiety and am on mirtazapine. It took me over a year to get over the heartbroken stage and I'm at the 2 year mark now, but although I'm no longer crying etc., I still don't feel myself, feel very down at times, I'm still on the mirtazapine. I get out and about, but feel quite flat and don't get enjoyment out of things I used to.
Just wondering if I should be completely back to myself after 2 years?

You should probably go back to the gp.

what else do you have going on in your life? If everything revolved around the relationship and you didnt replace that time, you wont feel better. What do you do in the days? In the evenings? How are you filling your time? How often are you seeing friend? Family?

And have you had any therapy?

Do you still have anxiety? Sometimes the antidepressants can make you feel flat. Maybe it's time to come off of them. I was on them for 10months fully then 3 months weaning off of them.

They were great when I needed them but I also felt more like my old self when I came off.

Some people like my sister need to be on them for life as she has type 2 bipolar but Sometimes some people need them for a shorter period. Do you think it would help to try?

I aren't suggesting for a second that you shouldn't be on them, it's just a suggestion.

I've had therapy, only about 4 sessions, but it did help as I can see now I'd a lucky escape and I'd never go back there, so that's why I can't understand why I'm feeling like this.

I still have the anxiety, although not as bad, and I would like to try to come off them in the near future

I'd suggest that the way you are feeling isn't because of the relationship ending, but because the relationship was shit ? and you see that now so are processing that.

That's exactly what therapist said and also that it was the cause of my anxiety, not the breakup. He had a lot of good points but was critical/ belittling/ acted superior/ cold towards me at times

Could you try and come off the mirtazapine? I was put on it once for similar reasons but I think it actually hindered my recovery. I think now I should gone through and felt the feelings, but the mirtazapine just dulled them and actually made me feel worse. It sort of amplified the 'negative' feelings and stopped me feeling the positive' ones (I've put that in quotes because I don't think any feelings are actually positive or negative, they just are and when it comes to a break up or grieving, we have to acknowledge them all to start healing).

I'd suggest it's no longer the breakup making you feel this way

Go to your GP

Find a rambling club to join to get you out of the house with a bunch of new people

That's what I'd tell myself to do

Yes, I joined a ramblers club this time last year and I love it, feel great after it. It's my only hobby really but takes up a full Saturday when I go.

I think some relationships take longer than others to get over, and it sounds like your breakup was cold and a shock to you which makes it harder.