Let me start this by saying I do not get involved with ds relationships and only ever offer advice when it’s asked for, and just on the situation, not the person.
He came home unexpectedly last night and asked for a private chat.
He is 20 and had been seeing a girl not, not for long at all. They were friends for a while before they started seeing each other. She is his first proper girlfriend.
He was due to stay all weekend at her house as her parents are away (her parents invited him to stay).
Ds came home last night saying that he’s had to break up with her as he thinks she is very controlling and he didn’t like the way things were going.
It came to a head yesterday as he facetimed us in the afternoon while at her house. I had text him earlier and said his little sisters had got certificates from an activity and if he had time, could he quickly facetime them when he was free as they wanted to show him (he’s very close to his younger siblings, age 2 and 8).
Anyway, he called them for a few
minuets, all good.
Apparently, this caused lots of upset. She was very angry that he spoke to them on her time and she ended up crying and throwing things saying she couldn’t believe he told other women he loved them (me and his sisters, just “love you, see you tomorrow), and if that ever happened again, she would smash our faces in.
He walked out of her house when she said that and came home, he was so shocked.
Two of their friends were there as well, ds said they were texting him after they left saying you were right to leave, they had calmed her down but they couldn’t believe what she had said and had left shortly after.
Ds said it was the final straw, there’s been other incidences recently where she has told him she doesn’t want him speaking to certain women at work, which is impossible given what ds does (she’s in the same career and knows the people she told him not to speak to), he only had instagram for a hobby he does but he said she demanded a few weeks ago that he had to hand over his phone check his messages when ever she asked and she had got angry a few weeks ago when I text ds while he was with her (it was just a funny photo I sent to ds and MIL, I wasn’t expecting a reply), she was shouting at him to give her my number so she could have a go at me. He didn’t, he told her she was overreacting and said he cut that date short.
Anyway, I just told him that he was right to walk away. And that he’s right to feel uncomfortable if someone is acting in a controlling way and that none of the things he told me are normal or acceptable in a good relationship. He spoke to dh too who obviously said all the same things and told him that if someone tries to alienate you from friends and family, it’s a huge red flag. Which ds said he already knew which is why he ended it.
He’s just a bit gutted. It’s not a great experience for your first relationship, is it? He says it’s put him off dating for a long time.
I am also very glad that mutual friends were there yesterday so that he’s got their perspective too.
I just feel a bit shit for him really and I hope dh and I handled it okay - I’m glad he can come to us with things like this.