When a relationship shifts gear

[Stucktight]

We’ve been married 16 years. Two dc. Lots of pressures - sn, menopause, work issues etc.

Over the last year or so I’ve challenged him on taking me for granted. Each separate issue we’ve resolved but on it goes.

And I’ve come to a realisation that this is my marriage now. I don’t want to have to point out petty (and not so petty) things; I want to be the centre of someone’s universe, and I’m not anymore.

I feel like we’ve switched gear. We have young teens, one with autism who had what I’d describe as a breakdown when we moved out for 3 months to get building work done. I don’t want to break up our family, or put us in a position of selling our home.

I think I just need to switch the locus of my satisfaction and self worth away from my dh and dc, and start rebuilding a life for myself.

Anyone else in a similar place?

Do you do anything for yourself outside of your marriage and family? Maybe hobbies might away from the home would help you rely on them less for companionship or happiness.

Can you have your own bedroom? Create a space just for you.

Not enough. And it’s time to change that. Ds’ special needs have taken up so much of my time and energy, but also I think I’ve let that happen too.

definitely something to think about