How do you cope with your recent ex moving on with someone else

[Anonymous94]

Hi all. I posted a thread around 7 weeks ago about my partner suddenly leaving me and he swore there was no one else and it turned out that he didn’t cheat but his head had been turned. I only found out when I saw another woman’s name pop up on his phone when he was at mine picking the kids up, there was a love heart next to her name and I broke down when I saw it, as it was a massive shock. He told me he’s not done anything with her but they are speaking etc and meeting up. Fast forward to Thursday this week and we managed to make some head way in being civil for the children etc and he came to meet me and my family in a restaurant for some casual tea. He asked for me back and I said no because I can’t trust him anymore etc and then 5 mins later he pulled his phone out and his screen saver was a photo of him and this woman in like the dark but it looked compromised. He knew that I saw it, I made my excuses to leave and took my son home. That evening I completely just broke down after weeks of keeping myself together. My question is how do you accept that he’s moving on? after only a few weeks of splitting, when we spent 5 years together. It’s all so sudden and one moment I’m okay, the next my mind is wondering whether he’s with her etc. One minute he’s telling me that he misses me, he said he regrets leaving but he knows that I wouldn’t take him back now and then the next he’s TELLING me that he’s going to see her. Why would I want to know that!! It’s all just becoming too much and I’m struggling to accept that he’s moving on. I’ve accepted the break up but everything he’s done since is where I’m feeling the pain. Any advice is most welcome x

My experience is that men seldom move on until they have 'somewhere to go'.

And that means they have been cheating if only as part of an emotional affair. They have been dishonest and cowardly in not ending a relationship earlier, when it first became stale. And that usually provokes enough anger, that it carries me through.

Hi they both live with their parents and she lives around 30-45 mins away. He said he messaged her 2 weeks after the split, whether I believe him or not I don’t know but he’s always swore that he didn’t cheat. Even if he did he’s gone now and I’d never have him back. But it’s the accepting of him actually moving on with someone else so soon. I just feel like I’d need longer than 7 weeks to actually be moving on with someone else. How do you stop the thoughts of what he’s doing etc. I wish I never saw her name and that picture, and I was left in the dark because at least then I couldn’t be hurt over it

He's such a phony. And he's getting off on dangling you on a string.

Well done for telling him you wouldn't have him back. Would a man who was seriously missing you, have his current fuckbuddy as his screens average? Of course not.

Wouldn't be surprised if he deliberately let's you see these messages in order to mess with your head either. By the sound of things (how you keep 'accidently' seeing his screen).

I would text him 'from now on, I will only communicate regarding essential issues such as childcare. I do not wish to 'remain friends' but hope we can be civil for the children's sake. You may reach me on this number regarding the kids when necessary of course. Regards - (you)".

Then follow that. No more 'he came to join us for tea' ect...

*screenshot, not screens average

@Pinkbonbon i think he’s spiteful and he knows exactly what he’s doing and I’ve told him exactly what you said, from now on we only talk when it regards the kids. Blocked him on all social media and only have his mobile number. He was never meant to stay for tea but because he wanted to see our son on his way home from work, as food arrived he ordered something so he wouldn’t be the only one not eating. In hindsight I should have said that he can see him once I was home but I was trying to be remain relatively normal in front of our son. Never again. The strength it took me to say no to having him back because I couldn’t ever trust him again, to then break over seeing that, it just felt like all my hard work became undone.

Yeah he's just an all round shit.
Still, he'll probably keep trying to crawl back/be relevant and you'll get lots more opportunities to - obviously not give a fuck.

It's all new atm, be kind to yourself. And stay firm in no communication besides about the kids.

Have you got your own place so you don't need to worry about him coming into your home?

I live with my mum whilst I save for a house but he doesn’t just come round he only comes when he’s here to pick the kids up or drop them off. I just don’t understand how someone can want to fuck your head up more when they’ve already done enough to begin with.

Some people just aren't nice people 🤷‍♀️
Some men get off on putting women against other women, to feed their ego.

Just try to look and sound like you couldn't give a shit whenever you have to see him. Like being around him bores the arse off you. Or like you've always got somewhere else to be ('must dash, byyyyyeee').

It'll get easier in time.

The only thing that'll make you feel better is time. In time it will get easier and then one day you'll be in a place that is so much better and you wouldn't change what happened.
I know this doesn't help you right now and I'm sorry that you're going through this but it will get better

I'm in the same situation. But we were only together a year. I ended it, he moved on very quickly. It was the hardest thing ever to find this out. I was shocked, hurt, it was so painful.

You will be up and down every hour of every day. You will keep on crying and trying to make sense of it.
I went for therapy for my anger issues and found journalling a really great tool. Keeping a diary of your thoughts and feelings led to me listing my interpretation of events, and his. What comes out on paper will surprise you and help you with time-lines, thoughts and feelings etc. At some point you will be able to draw a line over the whole thing and find the strength to move on.

I saw him 6 weeks later by accident, he was all over me. He wants out of his new relationship and back with me. But I can't keep the anger or blame out of our discussion and its driving us both crazy.

You look after you, and take care of your health. Get back into shape and be the best version of yourself. That's the greatest gift you can give yourself.

But watch out for him. When he senses your drawing away and getting strong and independent he'll be after you just to break you Ll over again.

Do all the things you wanted to that being with him prevented you from doing. Life is just too short.