Picking a photograph for online dating

[alittleprivacy]

I have decided to maybe give online dating a try but am anxious about picking a photograph for a number of reasons. Mainly I really, really just don't want my photograph available for possibly anyone on earth to see. I'm aware that's completely unfair as I want to be able to get an idea of what anyone I chat to looks like. But I don't have an issue with sharing photographs quite quickly, it's just the being 'out there' for anyone to see that I don't love.

I opened up a POF profile this morning with a picture of an ugly cartoon character as a temp profile photograph and already got a couple of really creepy messages from men. I've also over the years gotten really creepy messages on my Facebook and Instagram from men who want to tell what they think of me. So the idea of putting nice pictures of myself, chosen to attract rather than show off something fun I'm doing to family and friends, is seriously daunting.

Is there any getting around this or is it just a case of either really put myself out there or give up before I start.

I tend to assume guys who don’t post a pic are actually in a relationship and just looking for a hook up so it was an instant no when I was on the dating apps. I think a pic is the only way forward I’m afraid!

You're not going to get anywhere without a picture. As PP said, people will assume you're in a relationship or look so awful you're ashamed to post one.

Could it be a non-identifiable photo? Say doing an activity somewhere non-identifiable. It would give a rough idea of what I look like but isn't going to be immediately obvious that I'm me. I do think that women have more to worry about than men when we put ourselves out there like that. Especially as I'd ideally prefer more of a FWB than a relationship.

Also POF is hook up site.

You can't expect a decent message or a person to be interested if they can't see what you look like. You need a face shot and preferably also a full length photo.

Most men won't bother reading your profile and make an instant I would/wouldn't (shag that) judgement based on your photo alone.

As you've found, some men will message anyone with sleazy messages regardless because they're happy to stick it pretty much anywhere.

You won't hear from anyone decent without a photo.

If you just want sex, it doesn’t matter, but I’d be dubious of what type of male would be attracted/interested in a woman who he can’t see anything about. If you’d expect a man to select your non-identifiable photos profile, read your profile and select you for messaging for sex (‘fwb’)? Would you meet a man whose appearance was a secret?

You definitely need to put a pic up

Go on Bumble and pay for premium so you can use incognito mode. It means that only the men you swipe right on will be able to see your profile.

That's a perfect solution. Thank you.

Was going to suggest bumble too. Even without paying, women message first so you won’t get as many gross messages because you both have to have swiped right on each other before you can message, and then you go first, so at least you can weed out the terrible ones first before you even get to opening your messages!

I’ve been on there and met quite a few lovely guys, no spark with most, then a spark with one that fizzled out! But definitely my favourite of the OLD apps. Good luck.

Any of the sites/apps can be hook up sites, it depends what you want. I had a 2 year relationship with someone I met on POF.

I was also quite reluctant to put a photo up but the thing is, I wanted a partner and if I hadn't put a photo they would have assumed I was married or I had something to hide.

So I paid for incognito mode but I had several photos of me- all very decent (fully dressed and almost "professional" well one was my LinkedIn photo) and I met some lovely men. I even said in my profile I would only converse with men who had several photos and a full written profile so...

OP, I worried about this years ago when I did online dating. I'm the end I found I could hide my profile which means men can only see you if you approach them.

It was brilliant - no undesirables contacted me at all! Would thoroughly recommend

(This was on POF.)