Husbands childish behaviour

[desperadoh]

Hi

I'm new, this is my first post. It annoyed me so much I had to join and seek advice.

My husband and I have been together for 18 years, with a 5 year old son and another on the way.

Last night we disagreed on some minor neighbourly stuff. I tried to voice my opinion in what I think was a reasonable way. He voiced his opinion, got agitated and then shut down the conversation. "This conversation is over, I'm not speaking to you anymore".

Today we haven't spoken all day. This evening I tried to approach the topic again. Not because of the content, but to resolve how it was left and how I felt he handled it badly.

This is the bit: when I tried to talk to him he started making noises, like random words, to stop me from being able to speak and from him being able to hear me. "Bla, bla, not listening". It was like when a child puts their fingers in their ears and sings "la, la, can't hear you". Exactly like that.

He's nearly 42. I'm shocked. I knew he was a bad communicator but what am I supposed to do with that? How do I handle that? Another day of silence?

He just is not listening. I don't even care about the discussion anymore but that behaviour is just, wow. Help please

God that would drive me insane. I don't think I'd be able to deal with it logically, I'd probably scream at him, which isn't very helpful! Hopefully someone wiser has some advice for you!

I would tape him and tell him what a knob he sounds, let him hear it back. Then tell him if he cuts you off like that again you’ll walk, I couldn’t deal with that behaviour at all . It would seriously give me the ick.

Ok if you want to be childish that’s fine. When you have calmed down and want to be an adult we can discuss.

Don’t back down either!

Thanks for responding. I think I was just in a state of "what on earth are you doing, is this a joke" rather than getting angry or anything else. But now I'm completely baffled.

Write him a letter explaining what you want to say and write at the end and by the way you need to grow up for numerous reasons 1 you are 42, 2 you are going to be a father again soon and 3 I'm not willing to put up with this childish behaviour every time someone doesn't have the same opinion as you. X

42 you say... sure you don't mean 4?

Giving the silent treatment is abusive. I hope that your 5yr old is not listening to all this - what a fine example his father is giving him.

I did think afterwards I should have recorded it. It was that ridiculous.

Thanks for all the advice. I think I'll speak to him again tomorrow and just say those things CopperOliverBear.

He's going for a run in the morning which might give him time to think so I'll speak to him after that.

The silence was whilst my son was at school. We were speaking when he got home - about normal stuff like dinner, bedtime, school stuff. I don't like it to spill over.

"Whoever controls the conversation controls the relationship"

He is sending you a pretty strong message he doesn't want to treat you like his equal.

How did it go, OP?

This is definitely worth remembering:

"Whoever controls the conversation controls the relationship. "
He is sending you a pretty strong message he doesn't want to treat you like an equal.

Sounds to me like he is shutting you down because he doesn't want to hear what you have to say. Lets hope this doesn't become a habit or it will be the end of your marriage. Maybe you should tell him that.

I'm currently on day 2 of 'D'H not speaking to me, it's fucking pathetic.

DS and I do our best to ignore the behaviour and carry on as normal. I still offer him a coffee etc. I refuse to sink to his level.

When a husband does not speak to his wife for an extended period of time, he sends her to “Coventry.” It’s unintelligent school playground behaviour.

I was told by my solicitor that it’s unreasonable behaviour and one of the accepted reasons for divorce.
Tel your childish husband this.

The OPs last reply was March.