Dating when menopausal

[FeelingHelpless99]

Not sure the best place to post this, maybe it’s the menopause section.

I’m 47, widowed 5 years ago. I haven’t had a period for 10 months so I’m probably menopausal.

On the one hand, my libido is pretty much on the floor; and on the other I’m now lonely and craving companionship.

So far, the peri-menopause has not been as bad as I feared - weight gain, aching joints (didn’t expect that!) and anxiety. Perhaps that sounds bad but I was dreading hot flushes, flooding and uncontrollable rages. I have some flare-ups but generally I’m emotionally calmer than with the horrible PMT that comes with periods.

I’m trying to gear up towards trying to date again - I think this might feel like getting eaten alive at the best of times, but I’m wondering how it’s going to be as a women mid-menopause. Has anyone done this, how did you find it, and any advice??

I have a 6 yo child, to complicate things!

Watching with interest. I'm early 40s and have been thinking about this recently. I haven't started the menopause yet, but it is inevitable! I also have a very young child. Sorry Op, I have no useful advice but can totally understand your position!

I don't think you can postpone dating if that's what you want to do. Menopause could last years! Honestly, if there's a decent enough man who is worth being with he will understand. And if he doesn't then he's not right.

Bear in mind most men will understand that women of a certain age go through this so will likely be aware you're going through it now or soon anyway when they start dating you.

I guess you could have the convo early on in the dating game but if you have it too early on then it will likely seem odd!

Just need to find the right man! I'm a similar age and dp is great, he gets it, he's sympathetic when needed and jokes when more appropriate. Menopause is natural, it's also surprising how much your libido returns

Thanks for comments!

When did you start dating your dp @gogohmm ? My late partner used to joke affectionately that he was ready and standing by to support me, but I’m not sure if he’d have been so keen to take that view if I’d been peri / meno from the off!

I guess I’ll just have to try it and see….

(There’s only once person I’ve met that I’ve liked, and he’s a school dad (and younger) so that’s wildly inappropriate and stupid. If dating stops me from thinking about him it will be worth it for that! I think it’s been a psychological part of bereavement - to like someone who’s unavailable, as that’s ‘safe’ - but I need to get out into the world a little more now!)

Is school dad single?
And how much younger?
Don't rule this out OP!

No, he’s seemingly not single - I thought he was at first, because he does every drop-off and pick-up, and after school and weekend classes, and I’ve run into him on his own with his child at the park / beach etc at weekends - but it is very firmly ruled out!

I am peri menopausal (49) and started dating again 2 years ago post separation. I luckily met my wonderful boyfriend pretty early on and we have a great sex life (not having children around when they are with our respective exes is a marvellous aphrodisiac I have found). He is a bit younger than I am and I was worried when we met that he would be turned off by my being at that stage of life. Honestly though he doesn't care at all and is perplexed that I would think of it that way. I started taking HRT six months ago to reduce hot flushes, anxiety and PMT. It has been extremely effective and hormonally I feel more stable than I have for years. So really I wouldn't think twice about it if you want to start dating.

I did all my dating in my early and mid-fifties, after my divorce (and have been with someone for four years now). I would just say as you're under 50 that you would need to have two years without a period before you can ditch contraception. I went 9 months without a period, then started having them again. That's the perimenopause for you!

It honestly never occurred to me that perimenopause would be an issue for me when dating, and it wasn't a problem at all. I had no changes to my libido, though.

The libido slowly returns after menopause. You can always eat libido enhancing foods to help. For example dark organic chocolate. A little every day. Rich in antioxidants you cannot go wrong.

Interesting thread, I'm now single and divorcing exH. Just turned 50 and have been on HRT for the last year or so.. I've had quite a bit of male interest which is flattering but I've been reluctant to take it seriously because of my current situation. I I I like the idea of dating someone but I've no interest in sex 🫣 i actually can't be bothered with it. Clearly my libido is long gone .. will it ever return? Trust is also out the window after exH double life but that's a whole new thread! As you've said OP being of a certain age and being menopausal brings a whole new dimension. I shall watch this thread with interest.

I found my libido on balance greater, I want sex each evening that I spend with my bf and each morning. I wouldn't say the menopause is an issue at all (HRT got rid of the aching joints btw) but what seems much harder is dating in your 50s.... that's a new thread !