I'm so low, fed up with my lot, someone please listen to my woe...

[damnfinefilly]

Just need a bit of a rant...I'm a regular but have changed my name.

I'm living abroad with my military dh and 2 dc's (4 & 1) and I'm reaching the end of my tether...feeling very lonely and I hate it. We're in a 'good' posting, but it's not your typical military posting - ie we're not on a base and there's really no support ntwork of other wives to meet and lean on. Obviously I have no family out here, I do have a babysitter who helps out a few hours a week but it's really not enough.

My one year old is hard work - has been since day 1! I love her but she really tests my patience, always whinging, crying, and not sleeping properly at night - she used to sleep through from 7pm and now I can't even get het sown till 10pm! I'm exhausted, cranky, not being a good mum to my dc's and that makes me sad. My dh is up very early every morning to go to work, and is always complaining about it. I'm sick of it. He really doesn't do too much to help me out, at least during the week, and at the weekends if I escape to the gym, or even to the supermarket on my own, he lets them run wild while he sits at the computer. To him, looking after the kids doesn't involve any form of housework - that's mostly down to me.

God I'm fed up. I keep feeling I have made the wrong choices in life. I wish I could start again. Is this just part of being a mother to young kids? Does everyone find it this shit? Don't get me wrong, I love them so much, I'd die for them and couldn't be without them - I'm not considering leaving or anything drastic, I just want to know how to find a little bit of happiness. Because right now it's just one long, hard slog of daily, monotonous drudgery. Does it ever get better?

bumping for you

I'm sorry you feel so low. How long will you be living there for? Is there hope for a change anytime soon?

We've still got 18 months till we go back to the UK - I sound very self-centered, don't I? I don't mean to, I'm just having a crap time here when I was really looking forward to it. Feeling very lonely and missing my friends and family.

I don't think you sound self centred at all. If I were you I think I'd be going crazy!

Only thing I can say, is that at least you have a definite end to it. That means you can focus your energy on getting through this time as best you can. Knowing full well that in 18 months you'll have a fresh start.

We need someone with some good ideas. But if you have the internet then perhaps there is some way of getting in touch with other mums who may be close enough to meet? Could you start a hobby, anything at all that you have a passion for, reading, painting, just something that gives you a bit more 'me' time.

Sympathies over your 1yo. Ds is regularly up that late for me and it's a killer. You literally have no time for yourself or as a couple.

Is this an issue you perhaps need to tackle first? Could you start a thread here to get some specific advice?

Would dh listen if you told him just how low you're feeling? Could you plan some trips etc as a family to break the monotony of things?

(sorry not very helpful - just trying to think of ideas....)

Can't say i know how you feel can only imagine how lonely and isolated you feel..my sister was in cyprus for 18mths with her dh but she didn't have children at the time and loved it!! Do you have any children of school age, i'm just wondering if you spoke to your dh and told him how you were feeling if there was any chance of you and children taking a trip back home and staying with any relatives even if it's just for a few days. Do you think your dh would mind or would the children miss daddy too much? I def think you need to talk to your dh, maybe he could take you out for an evening, if you can geta babysitter just so you can have some time for you and dh!! I feel for you i really trying hard to come up with some ideas..or could any friends or family come out to visit you?

I am actually going home this weekend for a week, unfortunately under rather sad circumstances (to spend time with my bf who recently lost her baby). However, we will have a nice time and I am leaving dh and the kids behind. You know, even the thought of a plane journey without the dc's is making me happier. Hours to MYSELF to just sit and read and listen to music and maybe even a couple of glasses of wine (to help me sleep, you understand)...

My dh is very aware of how I'm feeling. I feel very hard done by, tbh - I feel like I gave up on everything to marry him and have dc's while he joined the military and thus uprooting our lives totally. I keep thinking back to when I had a job and loads of friends, and fun! And it all just seems kind of pointless now.

I'm living in a rather unfriendly neighbourhood - I have tried to find classes I can take as a way to meet new people but the timings are always wrong, coinciding with dc's bedtimes etc. I expected much more of this posting and am sorely disappointed. I know my dh is disappointed too - we just can't wait to get home. I really wouldn't recommend the military wife life for anyone.

Good idea about starting up another thread on sleeping or lack of and could you contact a health visitor, see if she can offer any advice especially on groups that you could go to, there's bound to be other mums in the same position, or could you start one up?
Where are you based, do they have english speaking toddler groups.

I'm sure you will feel more yourself soon especially if you can let your dh know how you feel too.

I don't know what else to say apart from, i hope you get some much needed rest whilst your away and i hope things get better!! soon!! I quite often think back to the days when i could have fun without having to worry about the kids and house and bills!! We all feel very sorry for your friend too and i hope you can help each other through difficult times...Good Luck!!!

maybe him having them for a weekend will make him realise how hard it is.

I'd recommend the No Cry Sleep solution book - it didn't help me get DS to sleep any earlier but did help me get lss stressed about it and his sleep pattern is slowly getting better.

I would go mad if I were you - one yr old are hard enough at the best of times!

thanks so much for all your replies, it helps just to get it off my chest.

We are in an English speaking country, it's just not what I expected.

I'm sure dh will cope fine with the dc's - he's got them for one week, but a horrible part of me hopes he has a tough time just so he realises how utterly draining and thankless it can be!

I went through all the sleeplessness with my 4 year old ds so know it's just a phase, probably, it's just so awful while it lasts. With a decent night's sleep you can tackle anything - when it's amounting to just a few broken hours night after night it's hell on earth. Hopefully dd will grow out of it soon. All I can think about is when I'm next going to get a sleep!

I really feel for you.

I do think that your DH will welcome you back with welcome arms after realising how much hard work looking after dc actually is! The good thing is that you will get some sleep while you are away.

Can any family /friends visit you on your return? Sometimes its easier to join groups or even just sign up for things when you've got someone with you? Also means that someone can help you with the DCs on your return and so you can get out and about and see what there is out there for you.

Is it possible to take a little holiday altogether in the country u r based in the near future?

(((((hugs)))))hope things improve quickly for u.

have you tried finding out if there are any mumsnetters locally? there's a surprising spread of people across the world.

Hi

From the looks of it, there are no other mn'ers near me...at least I have the internet!

Feeling a bit better this morning - dd actually went to bed at 7.30 and only woke once, and even went through till 7.20! so I managed some sleep, for once!

Had a big talk with dh last night and he was very supportive - he's always told me he'd leave the job if I asked him to - I'd never ask but it's nice to know he really cares. Yesterday was just a particularly bad day, and although today has already had it's share of whining and arguments, I'm feeling more able to cope.

Thanks to all who replied, it means a lot.

it's amazing what a good nights sleep can do. Are you sure there isn't anyone near you? Have you set up a thread asking? Anyway hope your weekend goes well.

Know exactly how you feel, as a mum of 4, I feel low and fed up with my lot. We are currently waiting to see where we are posted next and the tension is really getting to me. When we were abroad and isolated I invited as many friends out as possible and filled my days with lots of outdoors activities to make the little ones sleep all night. Try long walks kids makes them sleepy and does you the world of good, time to think etc. play parks are great for meeting other mums, and non military ones still feel the same as us they just have more friends to fall back on. Stay happy

dff

have been beating myself up for the last hour or two for having the horrid thoughts you express in the last paragraph of your OP. so thank you for saying it and making me feel less of a monster

btw, i am not bogged down in housework, i have all the help a person could ask for and i am still feeling that way. go figure.

you are not alone.