How do you just leave?

[motherofC]

Hi I'm in a very toxic,abusive relationship and to be quite honest I just feel like I'm ready to escape more and more.

We share a 16 month old. I already have my own place to escape to but he ofcourse knows where that is.

I just don't want my child to witness 1. What I did as a child from my own dad and 2. Their daddy doing bad things to mummy.

He is however working away ALOT these last few weeks so I've had breathing space but honestly I'm just scared.

He often talks about killing people, he often says horrible things. I've had bruises from him before and it's just like he calls me the narcissist the abuser the this that and the other. Tells me things can't go " my way" anymore because they have for too long when really I feel like I'm living in his life and shadow so now every time I ask or say something it's " I love how it's got to be your way".

He's working away at the moment and I love where he is I've been a few times and I said to him on the phone " ahh I'd love to go up there with you one weekend, I love it" and his reply was " it's nothing special" like where we actually live is better!!

I have no problem him seeing our child until he gets a new partner, I say this because he has treated every ex before me the same so he is never going to change so I can't put my child at risk of being subjected to seeing daddy so bad things. I'm riddled with anxiety. I just wish I could cut him off and never have to look at him again. No one wants to be pjs third person. Nobody would drop my child off and pick up.

He is honestly horrible like vile horrible and I'm just genuinely scared of telling him I'm done done and showing him I mean it.

I know it won't end( abuse, control) until he finds his next poor supply.

Please contact women’s aid. They can help you to do this safely. They will believe you and know what to do. You’re right that leaving is risky and I promise they will help

Hi OP
I agree with @FatGirlSwim
Contact women's Aid and make a plan to leave with your little one. I left my controlling husband a few weeks ago with my 15 month old DD, currently staying at my mum's until I can save up for my own place one day.
Do you have family you could stay with until the dust settles after you leave so he won't try or be able to find you?
Seriously though, women's Aid are incredible and have basically been a lifeline to me.

I geniunely am so scared to be honest I didn’t realise how much until I wrote this post. His last ex before me told me I’d be leaving in a body bag and that has stuck with me these last few weeks more than ever.

I also was so burnt out and lost for pretty much the whole first year or so of motherhood and I just wanted him to be the dad I see him be to his eldest cause he can be good but then I also see the negative which over power the positives and I have also been shouted at argued with and stuff in person and over the phone while he’s sat in company of his child so now I don’t participate in any calls or anything. He threw the closed high chair into me which badly bruised my arm. I also have others on my body.

I want nice things and I watched my mum give me them all while my dad was an abusive man with a drug problem. So I want to do the same as my mum but now rather than later as I will never forget what I witnessed as a child.

i also want another child one day to give my child a sibling a best friend and a number one fan alongside me and that can never happen now with him. I’m not 30 for a while yet so I’ve got time on my side anyway.

i borrow him money ( he earns double and more than I do) and because I borrowed money 2 years ago he one told me he didn’t want it back also never took it back at times. He says how come I’ve got to borrow and give back where as you didn’t give it me back when I borrowed it years ago and it’s like I’ve had to say several times all I’ve got now is all I’ve got for the whole month ( all my payments are in the first week) and it doesn’t register that I’ve got to get me and our child through plus contribute to the household as it is. It’s like I should be giving him £150 for nothing when I get £500 for a month to run a car and myself and our child. He does contribute but still. It’s a ridiculous relationship and I’m so sick of being accused of being an abuser when it is him he’s trying to wear me down to nothing.

@FatGirlSwim @KeepSmiling89

Don’t get bogged down in how you wish he could be or who owes who money ( sorry I can’t quite work that out from your post) Contact Women’s Aid.
Write down everything that is a problem. He is verbally abusive. He threatens me by saying ……….. And so on. Write everything down concisely. This will be useful if you have to go to the police or apply for him to have supervised contact only. Do NOT let him find anything you have written, lock your phone, change passcodes. Don’t tell him you’re leaving, talk to WA and make a plan with their help.

Oh no I don’t @Jamiesgran its just normal isn’t it in standard relationships you should be able to borrow or give anything you want/can without it being an issue it was just an example of what else he’s like.

i will do all of this and I will talk to family and friends and see what other support I have available.

i truly didn’t feel as scared as I do tonight and he’s 100s of miles away.

You need to heed that warning about leaving in a body bag. Your daughter needs you, please contact women’s aid and get out of there. Don’t tell him you’re going, that’s when you’re at the biggest risk. Women’s aid will be able to provide some really good abide. Please contact them asap and stay safe

Do uou have somewhere you can go that he doesn't know where it is? Like a cousin or aunts house?

Please contact women’s aid. They can help you work out a safety plan. Do not put yourself at risk by telling him anything.

You need to inform the police of the DV and the fact that you are scared of him.

@DustyLee123 @FatGirlSwim @Jamiesgran Im out we are safe, it wasn’t easy or straight forward 26
minutes of pure hell recorded through my pocket. But I did it