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Original poster

Zero matches at speed dating

26 replies

xopenguinxo · 09/03/2023 21:13

My friends dragged me to a speed dating event last night, I didn’t want to go but they wore me down. Lo and behold the three of them now have 6 matches each and I’ve came away from the night with a record number of zero matches. Nothing. This is precisely the reason I didn’t want to go, I knew this would happen and I knew it would make me feel terrible but here we are😪

To make matters worse the lady running the event last night literally said “oh don’t worry, no one ever gets no matches at all” 🙄

I’m just posting here to have a little rant really so I don’t ruin how excited my friends are!

Time to have some wine and go back to online dating where I can spread my rejection at the hands of men out over a longer period of time 😂

OP posts:
JustJamie5 · 09/03/2023 21:38

I’ve only been speed dating once a very long time ago… I only got a match if I’d said I liked the guy & he liked me. I initially ticked a couple of guys… then later went back into the portal and just selected them all. Needless to say I got way more matches by ticking everyone!

I guess if it’s a case that no one liked you (rather than no match), it could be because you didn’t really want to go. If I’d been dragged out anywhere I wouldn’t come across in the best way!

InBedBy10 · 09/03/2023 21:43

I don't think no one liked you, they probably just sensed you didn't want to be there. Your body language and your whole vibe would have been off even if you were trying to hide it.

Try not to take it to heart.

Rockingchai · 09/03/2023 21:47

I got no matches too the only time I went speed dating years ago. I was quite fussy about who I picked though - probably only a couple but they didn’t pick me back. You get more matches the more you pick. Sorry it was disappointing! But my best friend who I dragged there against her will met her husband that night. So you never know

Arrrrrrragghhh · 09/03/2023 21:51

Are you overweight? Not any judgement but based on experience and reality dating shows men pick by looks ( stereotypical ones too) all night long.

Eatentoomanyroses · 09/03/2023 21:58

I actually don’t think that men’s opinions matter very much. I know it’s hard if you’re single and want to meet someone to think like that. When I went speed dating I ticked everyone because I thought that anyone who had had the courage to turn up to such a thing and put themselves out there deserved a tick. Caused a few issues afterwards though. How many people did you tick op?

Maze76 · 09/03/2023 22:45

@xopenguinxo Ah that happened to me- my one and only speed dating event, I got drunk on all the free booze beforehand, which I’m sure impressed!
Don’t worry- you will laugh about it in a few months time.

hazeydzys · 09/03/2023 22:50

Would you have wanted to match with any of the people there?

Good point by a pp. How many did you select?

Original poster
xopenguinxo · 09/03/2023 23:04

Maybe you’re right about sensing I didn’t want to be there. Although I really did try and admittedly, actually started to enjoy myself a little once I’d had a drink and the nerves settled down!

I am overweight which probably doesn’t help. I’m a size 18 (work in progress!), this is the main reason I was reluctant to go. My friends are all size 10 and stunning so I was never going to stand out or be anyone’s preference I guess 😅

I did quite like 2 of the men I chatted with and the other 4 i ticked had potential, conversation seemed to flow, similar interests etc…

I don’t know If any of the 4 I didn’t tick ticked me as you only find out about matches but the event leaders “oh this NEVER happens” does nothing to boost self esteem 😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
xopenguinxo · 09/03/2023 23:06

Sorry, should have said I ticked 6 out of 10!

OP posts:
Guavafish1 · 10/03/2023 07:34

Like you, i didn't match with any one, when I went speed dating... but that was because I was bring too picky.

Now, I have a low threshold to match everyone.. then there more chance for a overall match.

Life is too short to worry about size... might be worth working on your self first before dating.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 10/03/2023 07:41

I went to one of those about 30 years ago - same happened to me. I have never been attractive.

Of the two friends I went with, one, v. conventionally attractive, got matches from everyone she had ticked. The other got a couple of matches.

Absolutely nothing came from my friends' matches, though.

Sparklesandsunshine1 · 10/03/2023 08:23

10 people’s nothing I know it’s hard but try not to worry think of it like online dating how many people do you swipe through before swiping right on one that you think may be of interest
Mir there’d been like 100 men there I’d be worrying but 10 don’t stress yourself x

Greenfairydust · 10/03/2023 08:30

The whole process sounds so contrived and fake...just like the worst type of job interview you can think of.

One of the many reasons why I want nothing to do with online dating or speed dating.

roseslovewater · 10/03/2023 11:26

honestly do you really want to date the type of men that go speed dating? you didn't want to go in the first place so don't take it to heart.

hazeydzys · 10/03/2023 12:30

I don't think it is unusual to have no matches. Those who do seem to tick all the boxes to hedge their bets, so to speak. I haven't done it but a couple of friends have.

Nothing came of their matches either. I've heard of more success with OLD.

Don't think any more on it, OP!

username1722 · 10/03/2023 22:53

I wouldn't put too much energy into this. So you know that at least 6 out of only 10 random men didn't pick you. 6 men in this entire universe. They don't know you, they probably weren't that great anyway. Most of the time, nothing really comes out of speed dating.

Please don't let 6 random men knock your self-esteem.

UserNameTwo · 13/03/2023 07:09

How many men actually showed up? I did some research into speed dating and singles events with a friend who wanted to set up a side business organising it - she decided not to as getting men to take part appears to be increasingly difficult. Basically, it seems that with modern dating being so hurried in terms of deciding if there is some attraction to work with, most women only tick the handful of guys who give them the fanny flutters straight away, and those guys leave with several phone numbers whilst most guys leave with none and don't return. Meanwhile, half the women leave disappointed too since they all wanted to match the same handful of men. You aren't alone based on what we read OP!

Modern dating certainly isn't for me. I need a while to work out if I truly fancy somebody, then a degree of trust and emotional intimacy to get into bed with them built over a time frame that 'the rules of the game' don't seem to support. I've watched several friends go through the speed and online dating wringer and have never fancied it myself.

OneFrenchEgg · 13/03/2023 08:11

Aw op I'd be gutted too. I used to be the only one bit spoken to ('chatted up') when I went out with mates many moons ago, and it's a bit upsetting of course. Do something cheery for yourself, and say no next time!

MistySkiesAreGone · 13/03/2023 08:32

Oh speed dating nights are rubbish like this. Loads of people don't do the after bit of matching. If you go again, and you should to get over the phobia, go up to people you like at the end and say oh the whole matching thing is really annoying, I wondered if we could just swap numbers, then follow up with a message to them. No guy will say no to giving out his number. I gave up on speed dating nights as I just think it is such small pickings compared to online dating, but I should probably go as you never know.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 13/03/2023 08:43

You're not ready for a relationship. You need to believe fully in yourself and work on your confidence and self-worth (none of which is linked to your weight btw). If you were ready you would have gone into this with more enthusiasm. Ask yourself why you want a partner.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 13/03/2023 08:44

Also, a terrible tip - men will do anything for you if you buy them food, ergo they're not sophisticated animals.

IreneLady · 13/03/2023 09:03

If your personality or mind are your best features these shallow set ups aren't good but it was a good experience I suppose.
Men seem allergic to overweight women just as women prefer tall men. In a way we have it easier as we can lose the weight most of the time.
Dating is a very shallow business for most people because physical attraction is a huge part of attraction, possibly more so to men than women so just because YOU the female might care about personality more, sadly most men care about your body and face more with body being the number 1.

IreneLady · 13/03/2023 09:04

@Arrrrrrragghhh you were right. It sucks but it's true.

roseslovewater · 13/03/2023 09:06

I actually disagree and think for some women self confidence IS intrinsically linked to weight. Being overweight is unhealthy (sorry, but its true no matter how much people want to normalise it), can lead to depression, health issues, feeling heavy, unattractive etc and makes a big difference to how I can come across as everything feels different. I know for a fact I look better and feel better when I am at a healthy weight. My skin is clearer, I feel lighter and happier, healthier, everything. When I am overweight it affects everything, especially self confidence. Not to say this is true for everyone but I think for some people it makes a huge difference in how they come across.

MistySkiesAreGone · 13/03/2023 11:45

I recently lost a lot of weight and the amount of male attention has been ridiculous and not all welcome. It's not actually as simple as lose weight feel great.

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