How long do I wait?

[HowlongdoIwait]

I've been seeing someone for just under 3 months. They were previously married for 25 years and have been single for 2.5 years since the split.

When we started dating they said they want to take it slowly and not just jump into bed together. I was more than happy with that and it was actually a refreshing change.

We're now approaching 3 months and there's not hint this will change any time soon. We've done nothing but kiss.

I've asked if they do want to at some point (or if they don't fancy me) and they said yes but how long do I hang on? Or is it just a sign they're not interested?

You wait as long as you want to. There is no way anybody can advise you here, it's about whether you are getting what you want. Time for some self validation. Trust your feelings, and respect them.

It doesn’t sound personal if that’s what he decided when you first met. He might have a low sex drive or other problem however, especially if he hasn’t been in any relationship at all for some time. I don’t think you are going to get what you want here.

I’d find 3 months is pushing it and I’d be feeling frustrated. I get taking it slowly but I’d be concerned he wasn’t interested

I'd be wondering if he has erectile problems he's avoiding addressing

Is this a male or female OP?

I'd expect to have slept with someone I’m dating inside of a month. For me I like to ensure that sexually we’re compatible before I invest. As a woman in my 40s I know what I enjoy and unfortunately I find a lot of men in my age category either have ED, very vanilla or zero foreplay. One even refused to go down on me despite expecting me to perform oral on him. No thanks!

You wait until you can wait no longer! I'd find it more of an issue that you can't have a conversation about what both of you might want/ be expecting and you feel you're being kept in the dark.

I'm female.

We have had a couple of discussions about it, but I don't want to keep bringing it up and pushing it.

I have considered ED but I don't think that's an issue. More nerves about sleeping with someone new.

Everyone experiences divorce differently. 2.5 years after 25 years seems like enough time to heal, but at times it's not.

Like PPs have said, you need to look after yourself and your mental health too and if it's starting to affect you too much or you don't feel wanted, have a think about if this situation is right for you.

However, both being terrified of being with someone new, ED, as well as bunch of other emotional defense mechanisms are a possibility. There's no set timeline as to when they'll feel more like themselves.

I'd be wondering if low libido played into the reasons their marriage broke up.

I've had to finish with someone for exactly this, I never got to the bottom of the real reason despite conversations and in the end just felt really rejected.

I’d be assuming he’s got problems ‘down stairs’ even if he won’t admit to it. You might be wasting your time, whilst he’s happy as it is.

I had this once, when we eventually got a bit further with it, I discovered he had major penis problems (peyronies). Id bet money he is not being honest with you.

Id be wondering if he has erectile problems he's avoiding addressing

this sadly

So it seems the problem was actually he just didn't fancy me! He broke things off over the weekend saying he didn't feel a spark.

Am gutted but also fucked off it took him so long to figure it out. I guess at least I now have an answer