I don't really know what I want from posting on here. Maybe I just need to know I'm not crazy or wrong?
Been with DH for 13 years, married for 9. We have three children, two each from previous relationships and an eleven year old together.
Our relationship didn't have the best start with him cheating on me with various women right up until I was around four months pregnant. I stupidly stayed and fell into depression, including self harm. I've recently began therapy and it's opened my eyes. I don't want to be married anymore for a few reasons.
He is cruel in arguments and turns everything around on me and calls me horrible.
He will sulk if he doesn't have beer.
He hates that I'm starting a degree.
He never joins in family activities or takes the boys anywhere.
He will sulk if he doesn't get sex
He's only affectionate after sex
He wakes me up when he wakes up at 4am to try and have sex with me. If I don't wake up he will still grab me and perform acts on me.
Once I pretended to still be asleep and he went the whole way and had sex with me. I don't know why I didn't stop him.
Everyone loves him and thinks he's amazing. On paper he's perfect. I keep fantasising about being on my own. Financially I will be ok as I work full time but my youngest is going to secondary school in September and I don't want to upset him.
Sorry it's so long.