Husband being dishonest, still…

[Eloise55]

Husband had an affair with work colleague - shady about the facts - I found out via email. Since then, he has said he wants to work on our marriage and family (two children) but that he had the affair because we just didn’t get on which was news to me. This is man who I thought loved me forever - we holidayed together - spent time together as a family - yes individual date nights weren’t there but then he never asked…
When I said that I thought we were married and a couple, a team - he pretty much scoffed in my face and made it seem pathetic that I thought this yet he was the one who proposed, followed me across the UK for uni etc.
Anyway - I think I have reached the final
straw. Him and the OW are still
working with each other; she is also married.
My husband declares that they have no contact - yet I found on two occasions work related emails that would suggest that at the least they have professional dialogue. He denies it.
I have just discovered that he has apples for a promotion in work and has actively hidden this information as he was supposed to be looking for a new job. How duplicitous can someone be? I have been in a relationship with him since I was 17 and I am just so very lost.
Our children are both under five.

He can’t just ignore her on work related issues, you do realise that, don’t you?
that said it sounds as though the marriage is over. Neither of you are happy.

Yes, I understand that however difficult that is for me accept however openness around it may help.

When he says he has no contact with her, I would assume he means personal contact because he can’t ignore a colleague if the work requires them to collaborate.

But if part of the deal of you giving it a second chance was finding a new job, then he needs to get onto that. To be honest, I am not sure if anyone manages to come back after an affair. It will always be until the next time.

Honestly just leave him. Trust has gone. He won’t leave his job because of her, that says it all.
You deserve far far more than this man and so do your kids. Onwards & upwards honestly.

@Jenny2347

Acceptable depends, did your husband have an affair with Rach? If not it's not really a comparable situation.

@Eloise55 what do you want?

He says he wants to work at your marriage yet it seems he is still failing to be fully transparent.

He tried to blame your relationship for having an affair when really if he was feeling you were drifting he should have addressed that with you not found attention from someone else.

Doesn't sound like he is trying to work at your marriage he isn't even being accountable for his actions yet.

Yes he may still have to have contact with OW whilst in this job but he is still lying to you about this promotion. And still lying is not working on your marriage.

So again, what do you want? Tell him straight. But honestly I would give some thought to moving forward separately.

Jenny2347: mmmm. I would be a bit uncomfortable with this. However, she could just be the way she does things.
After all why would she post it to your address?
Knowing that you would read it.

Eloise55- He needs to leave and get a new job !
If he doesn’t- get rid.

Jenny2347 - it is a bit odd.
Did she apologise to your husband?
Understandably, your mind will be working overtime.
Do you trust your husband?