My DH and had been together for a decade before having kids, and neither of us were perfect, but we were good together.
After having our first child he had his first severe depressive episode, likely triggered by his own very difficult childhood. He was like a different man, angry, disconnected, couldn't cope with the sleep deprivation and demands, leaving me to do everything. He went on antidepressants and over time, things was lovely again... then we had a second child, covid came, and soon it was even worse.
He became suicidal, smashed things in anger, took drugs daily and couldn't work full time - ultimately he went under the care of a psychiatrist, and living back with his mum for several months, as I did not feel it was safe for any of us for him to be in the family home. I tried to keep our kids as oblivious as possible, but they did hear more than we'd want, and at first we were all a bit on eggshells, then alone in lockdown, while he was unwell and I tried to balance working from home, homeschooling, caring for a toddler, without help from him or my family and friends, as they are mostly back in my home country.
He has since been through a lot of counselling and medication and for the last year or more has done so much to turn things around as a husband and a father. I still care for him deeply as a person and friend, but don't feel romantic or physical attraction like I once did.
We tried couples counselling but it was halted by the counsellor, as the mental health impact on him was too high. He is understanding but getting impatient to know if we can have a marriage beyond co-parenting, and I am not sure if or when I could feel that way again, or want to. Even with counselling and talking I am still so sad and even angry about what happened, and afraid that even after all this, maybe something could trigger it again.
We can't stay like this in a weird limbo state though. Has anyone else gone through this and got over it? Or not? I'm going around in circles in my mind.