Am I mad to think this is ok?

[fortifiedwithtea]

We have been married 27 years. I now have a variety of disabilities and our youngest daughter (20) has learning disabilities and bi polar..

My husband works long hours. Frankly enjoys work more than home life and does many extra hours even when working from home. He felt he needed to get away for some winter sun. Now I dread holidays with DH. Organising washing , managing daughter, remembering all her medication. I hate the rows I have with my husband during packing. And then there is usually a row at the airport. Husband can be an absolute arsehole at airports.

So I didn’t want to go on holiday husband asked could he go alone. And my thoughts were why not? We don’t have to be joined at the hip.

Holiday is now booked, he goes next week for a week. My eldest daughter thinks its weird DH going alone. And now DH is worried he can’t tell his work colleagues because they will ask how the family enjoyed the holiday. Younger daughter is saying she would have liked to go on holiday. She will get a family holiday. We will all go together somewhere later in the year not booked but we will go.

As long as I don’t get dragged into the holiday washing packing process too much I’m happy with that. Younger daughter will be a bit moany that she misses her dad, she always is when he’s away. He needs to go to other sites often for his job.

I am hoping the holiday is a success so it paves the way for me to holiday at some point with older daughter . I could do with some respite.

So what do people think? Solo holidays are fine or solo holidays are weird within a couple?

Solo holidays are perfectly normal and healthy in a relationship. No need to be joined at the hip - that gets boring .

If it works for you all then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Solo holidays are fine !!!! But regardless who cares what others think you (or him) can't holiday by other people views

It sounds like a good idea.

My dad goes to Spain 3 or 4 times a year on his own for a few days at a time because my mum won't fly. They then have a couple of cruises together and done cottage breaks with the dog!

I would love to go away alone!

Fine, as long as you get one too at some point.

Of course it’s fine. DH and I are both planning separate holidays this year (along with a family holiday).

Ex used to have football weekends and I had the house to myself to do what I liked. Then I'd visit relatives in the west country and he'd have the house to himself to do what he liked. Nothing wrong with solo hols in relationships as long as you're both happy with that.

And if colleagues ask about the holiday -'yeah, it was great thanks. Plenty of sun.' They're asking to be polite, nothing else, and he's under no obligation to give details.

Holidaying solo is fine. DH is currently away skiing with friends for a week, I’m off visiting a friend in NYC next month.

What’s not fine is that the family has to put up with your DH’s shitty behaviour when you do all go away together. Yes, packing cases and airports can be stressful (or so people tell me, I don’t get why personally) but after 27 years of it he should be well aware of what the stress triggers are and have put processes and techniques and added time in place to ensure that the packing is as smooth as possible and there’s nothing to stress about when you get to the airport, you just dump your cases and find the bar. I wouldn’t be putting up with him.

It sound lovely, everyone happy.

I love it when my husband goes off on holiday or away for business.

Going on holiday alone is ok but the way your husband treats you isn’t. Is your normal life like that or just holidays? If his work colleagues found out you weren’t there what would his reason be? Do you think he knows he’s an arse? Getting organised before a holiday can be stressful, not just the packing but there’s always a work handover to organise, but the way he treats you isn’t reasonable so I would be having a serious conversation and trying to work out if he needs to manage stress better or if you need to leave.

Solo holidays are fine but also if your youngest child is 20, if you're not already at the point where you can holiday without them then you should be soon.

Perfectly fine. I go on a holiday alone every year and leave dh at home with dc. I have since I think eldest dc was about 2. I took youngest when he was a baby as was bf. It's wonderful. I don't think it's weird at all and I've never had anyone question why I'd want to be away without dh.

My dh likes staying at home so I do holidays with my adult dc.
its great.
No point going on holidays with someone that just wants to sit in cafes and restaurants constantly like my dh.

You’re going to get divided responses. In my relationship, we holiday together. It wouldn’t be as good a holiday without dh, and he’d say the same about me. So if we were holidaying apart, there might be something wrong, or at least changed in our relationship.

Its very easy for me to project onto other relationships from my perspective and assume there’s something wrong for you to want to holiday apart.

And tbf, you are describing an uneven division of labour, rows and arsehole behaviour. I’m not sure that you’re asking the right question here. But he doesn’t sound like someone I’d want to spend a holiday with either.

It’s fine as long as it isn’t a case of him having more spending money than you do / the family does- for example, if he’s living it up in Spain eating out and whatever else and you’re at home having to scrimp and eat beans on toast every night then that’s an issue. But otherwise crack on.

When's your solo holiday/solo time?

I think you also have to be careful that your dh is actually happy to go alone as otherwise this could build resentment and distance between you. My first dh was awful on holidays, he clearly didn’t want to be there and I ended up doing everything with dd on my own (going to the beach / pools etc because he just wanted to stay in the accommodation all the time) and it just really upset me because I wanted someone to want to do those things with me. We divorced and I’m now with a dh who loves holidays as much as I do.

I tell my partner to go on holiday on his own 🤣 If it's too much of a palava to go together every time and you're happy not to go, there's no problem.

If i was the youngest daughter i would feel a bit miffed that i wasnt considered at all in the holiday decision plans.

Also don't understand the whole being a martyr over holiday washing, if you are capable of doing it for holiday later in year then whats stopping you this time (he should also do his fair share).

The thing is the OP's husband, didn't actually want a solo holiday.

He wanted a family holiday but the OP refused it, this was his second choice. I'd be surprised if the OP would do a solo holiday due to the stress of it all.

Thanks for the responses. Overall sounds like nobody would raise an eye if DH said I went alone Fortified had too much work on. Which incidentally I do , I’m self employed and work from home.

Despite how it reads me and DH are actually getting on better than we have done in years. Doesn’t mean I can face an airport with him more times than I have to though!

What I’d really like is a mini break with DD1 to Amsterdam, its something we’ve talked about as something that would be nice at some future point.