Bit of a long one..i'll try to explain quickly.
Met a man a year ago now after years of being single, disastrous dates etc. Connected really well, he's sweet kind and thoughtful, not a "lads lad" type which really appealed to me after some of the idiots i've met in the past.
It started off pretty casual, was a friends with benefits type situation (mainly down to him, I wanted more). I didn't see him for a couple of months due to personal problems of my own then invited him round as a friend and all of a sudden we seem to be a "thing". We're seeing each other 4/5 nights a week, i'm meeting his mum, he's talking about the future, (my kids are grown and have flown the nest, he has none and has always wanted one). Etc etc.
We SEEM like a couple, we behave like a couple. He's gone from someone who didn't want anything serious to saying he doesn't want anyone else, is happy with me, he's fallen for me etc.
The downside? He takes coke. I knew about it before and although I dont agree with it, he said he was desperate to get off it. I believe him, he knows what's causing his problems. However, now i'm around him more i'm finding it incredibly difficult. He goes home and does it twice a week and for the next day or so here he's a nightmare to be around. Snappy, sensitive to light and any noise at all (very difficult as I have pets who make noise obviously). Other days he's brilliant, thoughtful, kind, and great company, he's actually a lovely man who i'm not keen to lose but I just dont know how to handle his mood swings. He can say very hurtful things, back to the old chestnut "I told you from day one I didn't want anything serious". So why tell me afterwards he wanted a future with me then?!!
I dont want to be another one who gives up on him, I had a drinking problem myself previously and it was only through a handful of people not walking away that I managed to sort myself out..so who am I to judge?
It's just so hard and it's dragging me down. If I knew for certain he loved me i'd consider it worth going through until he's off it but he never says those words. He says other things in a roundabout way but never that he actually loves me.
I'm a fool I suppose, knowing nothing about drugs i'd assumed if he was happy he wouldn't need it anymore, I was wrong. He is trying, full of shame when he slips up and does apologise to me for letting me down. I really dont know what to do. He's such a genuinely nice person, kind to everyone, and it's heartbreaking to watch when his personality changes.