Recent separation from DH - Advice and support pls

[curlychocs]

After 11 years of marriage (2nd for him) and 2 DD's (he has another from previous marriage), we have separated. He told me he didn't love me last August. He said he resented me as I was always telling him to do stuff and shouting at him (he played a lot of computer games). We tried couple counselling. I put in a lot of things to support the issues. Things calmed down. Told me he didn't love me again beginning of Feb. Tried different couples counselling, but got to the point where I couldn't take being told he didn't love me, and he wasnt trying to change and we separated last Thursday. He moved to his mum's. He is staying in the house when he has the kids, and I go to my mum's. Big decisions being put off until summer in terms of house etc. I think there is another woman as I found messages last summer, but he denying it.

So, from people who have gone through this, what do I need to be aware of, think about, be ready for? What are the legal steps? What do you know now that you wish you knew? I have a full-time job paying reasonable money, I'm 44, have friends and family nearby, but I was single for most of my 20s, and the thought of going back to that is a killer. I feel like a bit of a loser at the moment!

Thanks for reading my essay!

I'm just about to get up so can't write much but know that it will be okay and in fact it will be better in the long run, don't waste time with someone who so freely tells you they don't love you. Seek legal advice and take control. Make sure you have access to any important paperwork, make sure you are in the know about his finances as well.

I don’t have any advice, but I wanted to say congratulations on getting rid of your ex. It sounds like once you get through the emotional turmoil of the beginning of divorce, you are going to be so much happier!!

I really hope so!

You will get through this and from your description you will be better off without him in your life. He sounds like a man-baby who wants to be married so that he can play computer games and his wifey will do all the hard work looking after the children and home. Asking him to do his fair part to help ends with you being accused of nagging him and telling him what to do. This man does not sound like he is ready to be a mature adult, partner or husband. I bet if you ask his first wife she will tell you the exact same story. If there is another woman, tell him that she is welcome to him. I bet in five years time history will repeat itself for a third time. He will probably never see the error of his ways though, choosing to believe it is always his (ex) wife’s fault and not his. Look to the future and i hope you find a new partner who treats you as an equal.

Your 44 you’re likely only half way through your life op! Go see a solicitor and file for divorce.
Look after you! Exercise, eat well, get a playlist going of all the songs you love. Play with your kids, plan things with them. Read, meet friends. The world is your oyster! Do not feel like a loser, the only loser here is your stexh!