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Original poster

Are you impressed if a bloke's first comment on OLD is about your appearance?

30 replies

OldFan · 08/03/2023 21:11

It is a pass from me.

I prefer if they show that they've read my profile by saying something about something I've mentioned on there, rather than objectifying me straight away (and probably insincerely.)

OP posts:
SpringIntoChaos · 08/03/2023 22:01

I delete straightaway if this happens! It's just so shallow!

I had one tonight...I'd sent the guest message (friendly, chatty, asking about a hobby he'd mentioned in his bio). His response: 'Hi gorgeous (I'm not btw!!), great smile, do you ever want to be kissed and caressed?'

😳🤢...erm...nope!

SpringIntoChaos · 08/03/2023 22:02

** 'first' message, not guest! 😅

Original poster
OldFan · 08/03/2023 23:15

@SpringIntoChaos Ewwww!

I had one a while back, I think I might have liked his pic, but then he went 'hello OldFan, sweet baby xx'

Those were his first words to me. So insincere and overfamiliar. Like, tell me in 2 words you're not for me. Insta-bin.

OP posts:
Original poster
OldFan · 08/03/2023 23:17

Clicked that I liked his profile I mean.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 09/03/2023 00:11

do you ever want to be kissed and caressed?

Oh sweet Jesus 🤣🤣🤢

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/03/2023 00:13

Closetbeanmuncher · 09/03/2023 00:11

do you ever want to be kissed and caressed?

Oh sweet Jesus 🤣🤣🤢

I can't fathom why he'd be single.

And no comments about appearance are not only shallow but implies they think you're shallow and vain too. Not a good look.

farrahsia · 09/03/2023 01:56

But don't people on OLD choose (swipe left right or whatever it is) based on appearance and attractiveness?

Though they should probably save those sorts of comments about appearance until they know you. 'Sweet baby' would be an instant block or deletion.

BritInAus · 09/03/2023 02:49

Gay woman, so I've really only dealt with women on OLD, who I think are on the whole faaaar less sleazy than men... I really don't mind if it's something like 'Hi - you have a lovely smile - followed by a couple of sentences and questions that are not looks-based. I mean, we're swiping based pretty much on a couple of photos. It's silly to pretend it's not about attraction, at least to a certain extent. But IMO there's a big difference between what I've described above, and some kind of gross/sleazy/over-familiar (or worse) approach, especially if not followed by some other form of chat.

StalkedByASpider · 09/03/2023 02:54

BritInAus · 09/03/2023 02:49

Gay woman, so I've really only dealt with women on OLD, who I think are on the whole faaaar less sleazy than men... I really don't mind if it's something like 'Hi - you have a lovely smile - followed by a couple of sentences and questions that are not looks-based. I mean, we're swiping based pretty much on a couple of photos. It's silly to pretend it's not about attraction, at least to a certain extent. But IMO there's a big difference between what I've described above, and some kind of gross/sleazy/over-familiar (or worse) approach, especially if not followed by some other form of chat.

I was about to say very similar re the opener.

A gentle compliment about lovely eyes, beautiful smile etc - and then moving on to something about me/them/shared interests that doesn't involve looks would be fine by me.

Any kind of opener with sleaze/smut would be an instant turnoff, hence a block/delete etc - and what @SpringIntoChaos describes would pretty much make my vagina seal shut 😅

Buildingthefuture · 09/03/2023 04:52

The kissed and caressed thing made me gag!!!! And, it baffles me…..has any woman, in the history of the world, ever, responded to a message like that with “oh yes please”??? It cannot work so WHY do it? And Dick pics? Although I think those are just a form of bloody flashing! And is it just men? None of my gay female friends have ever received an unsolicited shot of a vagina!!

GoodChat · 09/03/2023 05:32

I'm confused.

Men on OLD literally only have your profile picture and a couple of paragraphs you've written to go off, half of which could be bollocks anyway and you'll have chosen your best picture, so surely it's not a bad thing they're recognising that?

Some of the examples above are gross though!

Tuilpmouse · 09/03/2023 06:49

GoodChat · 09/03/2023 05:32

I'm confused.

Men on OLD literally only have your profile picture and a couple of paragraphs you've written to go off, half of which could be bollocks anyway and you'll have chosen your best picture, so surely it's not a bad thing they're recognising that?

Some of the examples above are gross though!

It's the first impression it gives. Someone who's opener is purely about someone's looks gives the impression they're only interested in that. Most people want to be connected with as a person, not a mannequin.

The type of openers mentioned by @BritInAus though are different, as they do try and engage the person, whilst also letting that person know you find them attractive in a way that'a not overly familiar.

Zanatdy · 09/03/2023 07:30

As long as it’s not creepy like some of these examples I don’t see the problem. With OLD you’re going to swipe because you find them attractive surely? So if someone said ‘you’re so pretty’ why would you find that to be a negative? Guess it depends what is said really

booboo24 · 09/03/2023 08:14

From your title I was going to say the initial attraction would have been based on looks, It's why you swiped or read further for instance, so a nice compliment when you first met about how you're dressed or your smile or eyes would be fine by me. THEN I read what he'd actually said, and no I wouldn't be going on a 2nd date, just no!!!

AlmostaMamma · 09/03/2023 08:32

God, yes. I know what I look like and it’s very nice. I have zero interest in hearing some random dude’s opinion on this. It’s hardly interesting conversation.

When I was OLD, it was literally on my profile: ‘If you message me about how I look, as opposed to what I’ve said, I will unmatch.’

I meant it and I followed through. It was also a great way to sift out the people that bothered to actually read my profile. Met some lovely men, one of whom is now my DH.

80s · 09/03/2023 08:34

When you see a man saying "Nice tits" to a woman on the street, you don't think "He should have started a conversation by mentioning the author of the book she was carrying", do you, though? You just think "ugh" and go on with your day.
I wonder if part of the "problem" is that when we're online, with invisible strangers, we tend to imagine them as potentially being like us or people we know, rather than being from a totally different background.

Original poster
OldFan · 09/03/2023 13:01

Men on OLD literally only have your profile picture and a couple of paragraphs you've written to go off, half of which could be bollocks anyway

@GoodChat The woman's profile would talk to some extent about things she enjoys etc.

It's just far more wholesome to say something about what the woman says she's interested in.

It also shows the bloke has bothered to read about the woman rather than just message anyone based on looks or just on them happening to be on the site.

Also, I'm Catholic, so if someone seems to be objectifying me, that's a sin anyway and shows they're not on the same page.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 09/03/2023 13:08

It does make sense now @OldFan and @Tuilpmouse Smile

idrinkandiknowthings · 09/03/2023 13:09

"You say you're a big girl. All the more to cream on".

Aaaaaaaannnd delete!!

StarrySki · 09/03/2023 13:14

It depends.

Usually, they just say something like, 'you are absolutely stunning!'. I don't have a problem with that.

However, if it was something sexual like some of the above examples, then I would just block/delete.

SpinningFloppa · 09/03/2023 13:40

I don’t mind. Dating is about attraction for me anyway, anything sexual though and I would block them.

NowDoYouBelieveMe · 09/03/2023 13:48

80s · 09/03/2023 08:34

When you see a man saying "Nice tits" to a woman on the street, you don't think "He should have started a conversation by mentioning the author of the book she was carrying", do you, though? You just think "ugh" and go on with your day.
I wonder if part of the "problem" is that when we're online, with invisible strangers, we tend to imagine them as potentially being like us or people we know, rather than being from a totally different background.

Not understanding what you mean by "a totally different background" here?

ShakespearesBlister · 09/03/2023 14:13

My best one was 'Hi, nice profile xx'. I hadn't actually filled the profile in. It was blank. I rejoined under a new name, didn't fill in the profile and again got the same message from the same man. Blank profile fetish obviously.

Original poster
OldFan · 09/03/2023 14:54

@ShakespearesBlister I had similar to that- 'my, aren't you delicious' or whatever when I didn't even have a pic up yet. 😂

again got the same message from the same man. Blank profile fetish obviously.

Was it Patrick, 42 (that's what he calls himself on eharmony.) He's deleted his profile now (but eharmony is lame.) Think it was www.eharmony.co.uk/partner/factfilepartner?match=EHCX9H29

I bet a fair few guys are similar, though.

@80s I'm not sure what any of what you say there is saying. Confused

OP posts:
80s · 09/03/2023 15:55

@OldFan Was my comment so badly written? I'm saying that the men on OLD are as varied in nature as the men you might see on the street. You wouldn't expect every man you pass on the street to be polite, well-mannered and intelligent; you know the world has plenty of bad-mannered louts, drunks and fools. But in the real world, you can judge what a person is like even at some distance, and you can usually tell whether they are worth talking to or avoid total idiots without even having to get in conversation with them. Online, with just a few photos or a profile, you can't filter them out as easily and you're more likely to get into a conversation with someone you would normally not approach at all.
Hope that's comprhensible!