Stealing ex boyfriend asking for favour

[motheru]

Hello everyone. Can I have your thoughts on this one please?
My ex partner, father of my 3 kids in currently living with his mother in another city because I found out he been stealing money from me. Long story short when he did it first time I said there won't be any more chances and he did it again so I said good bye. Since the move 4 months ago he only visited kids 3-4 times and only paid me once for child support. Reasons including he not been made permanent till recently and he was Ill and could not work.
When we were together I got us all personalised bikes. When he left I kept some things to sell so I can get the money he stole from me back, including the bike. Now he is asking me to borrow it as his broke and he can't afford to fix it or get another one. He uses it to get to work. We are not friends, he lied and broke my trust not once, I cut people like that off but we have children so as far as I am concerned he is just a father of my kids who should be supporting me not the other way round.
What are your thoughts on this?

Don't lend him the bike, sell it to get some of your money back.

He will have to find another way of getting to work, & he can deal with the CMS attaching his earnings if he refuses to vountarily contribute toward his DC's costs.

You ARE on to the CMS about his lack of child support, yes?

Nope.

Stand your ground.
Recoup what you can by selling what you can.
Compartmentalise him.
Relationship in one box.
His access to kids the other box.
Only discuss with him what’s in the kids box.
Claim Child Maintenance.
Stay strong. Don’t lower your boundaries or resolve.
Good luck.

Thank you ladies, those are exactly my thoughts. I really like the idea of 'Compartmentalisation'. It's sometimes hard to separate things when it comes to him, but in my gut I know I don't owe him anything, he is the one who put us all in this position. We agreed on voluntary contributions for the children from his end but that didn't last. I just can't believe he even asked me for a favour!! Would he do me one if tables were reversed? I don't think so! I think he just trying to take advantage of my good nature

It's amazing the people who ask you for favours an ex of mine "borrowed" money never to return it (so effectively stole it) put me down as a reference for a loan I told them he ran off with my money I suggest you don't lend him a bloody penny 😂

Boundaries we all need big Boundaries!

So the latest update. My reply was:

As for you asking me a favour. I am not trying to be rude, and you said it yourself I don’t owe you anything. I think when it comes to our current relationship it’s important to understand that to me, you are just a father of my children, my ex partner, not my friend. Please do not ask me for favours. I am happy to discuss our children but when it comes to anything else I am not the person, sorry. Please ask your self, had the tables been reversed, would you want to do me such favours? I do not think so! And I don’t mean it in any rude way. So I am afraid you will have to find your own way this time.

He was meant to come see kids this weekend. Before my message he said :

I’m definitely coming Saturday unless there is major snow or train strikes

After my message he said :

Ok I might not be able to come. I will need to get back to u tomorrow to confirm. Sorry! Just way it is!! I have to sort a bike out as there are no buses in the morning when I go work so it’s a necessity to me.

What a man!!

If you lend it him you'll probably never get it back, so that'll be more potential money you've lost @motheru

Just ignore him. Responded about kids stuff and nothing else. If he doesn't show don't engage just say ok. I find replying in as few words as possible helps. And money through cms. Doesn't matter if he isn't working in a permanent contract. Let them do the leg work

I would have probably reluctantly lent him the bike. (But NOT done him any further favours).

Now he’s got a valid excuse to not pay you maintenance on the grounds he can’t get to work.

It’s not a valid excuse really though is it? Can you imagine a mother not feeding her kids because she didn’t have a bike?! I don’t think that would stand up in court somehow.

Stop apologising in your messages to him. Be blunt, be factual.
It reads like you are trying to appease him to stop him kicking off.

You have been better off saying something like, “The bike has already been sold to recoup some of the money you stole from me. You still owe me £x. Arrangements for seeing kids this weekend are ….”

You don’t have to tell him you’re not friends. You demonstrate it by giving him the minimum possible information he needs and ignoring anything he says that isn’t about the children.

This falls between “fine fences make for good neighbours” and “if you give him an inch, he will take a mile”.